Thursday, August 29, 2013

Remember that time I had five jobs?

Let's take a quick jaunt back to a few months ago.
When I was working five jobs.

Five jobs, you ask?

That's according to my calculations.

I was a teacher.
Which is pretty much 2 jobs.
Teaching kids by day.
Planning to teach said kids by night.

I was a new mom.
Definitely 1 full-time job.
No explanation needed.
{Especially for those who are currently taking on this role}.

I was an exclusive breastfeeder.
2 jobs.
Because it's not just the nursing.
It's the pumping (job in itself). Washing. Cleaning. Prepping. Freezing.

Five jobs.

But things are a bit different these days.

For so many reasons.

I'm no longer a teacher.
No longer a new mom.
{Almost} no longer an exclusive breastfeeder.

And just like *that*.
I feel so happy.
So normal.

I find myself smiling more.
Laughing more.
Breathing more.

And that balance I was completely unsuccessful in finding last year?
I've got it.

I could shout it from the rooftops.

But I won't.
For fear I would lose my balance.
And fall off the roof.

I'll be honest.
I took too many things head-on last year.
And to no one's fault but my own,
I burnt myself out.


Especially (and unfortunately) with teaching.

It's just like me.
To go in day one expecting to change the world.
I dove in too deep.
Too soon.

All while trying to figure out how to be a really great mom.

The hardest part was that I felt so completely out of control. 
So clueless.
I just had no idea what I really wanted.

All I knew was that I couldn't keep up that pace. 
I could keep up that pace.
But I no longer wanted to. 

It was a choice. 
To go completely against my instinct. 
To de-busify. 
And take out the one thing that was consuming my life. 
Which for me, was my job. 
A job that took all of my time, energy, thoughts, and emotions.

I realized I must enjoy everyday moments with my family. 
Because these moments are fleeting. 

Now don't get any crazy ideas. 
I'm still me.
I'm still ambitious, determined, energetic, and put everything into tasks that are given to me. 

Now I control what I do with my time. 
I enjoy time. 
I have time. 

And the crazy thing is that I'm still working.
I wake up an hour earlier than I did while teaching. 
I *technically* have a longer work day than I did while teaching. 
I don't have summers off. 
Or a spring break. 

But I do have Fridays off. 
And a lunch break. 
And a setting that is not all-consuming. 

I'm able to wake up, go to work, do a good job, enjoy the people I work with, and come home. 
And when I'm home, I'm home. 
That last one?
That's a biggie. 

It's the best of every kind of world. 
I still work. 
Which allows me to feel like a productive member of our fam.
And, I get out of the house. 
And, it makes my time with Lyla so much sweeter. 
Because I actually have time now. 

And guess what else?
I can do ME things too. 
Like blog. 
Get my hair done. 

So this is what freedom feels like?
Can't forget happy too.
I'm diggin it. 

*Sidenote: I am incredibly thankful for my time as a teacher. I learned so much, grew as a person, met lifelong friends, am confident that I did change (at least a few) lives in my too-short career, and developed a deep appreciation for teachers everywhere. 

I will always be a teacher at heart, but my heart belongs somewhere else.

Look at me.
I'm on my lunch break.
With my baby.

How things have changed.

So thankful.


Carolyn said...

I'm so glad you're so happy now! :)

Amanda said...

Being able to leave work AT work is definitely key for me, too!

Anonymous said...

What is your job? Maybe I missed something in an earlier blog. Your baby is adorable!

Katie said...

So happy for you! Love that picture, adorable!! :)

Crazy Shenanigans-JMO said...

yay! So glad that you're happy!