Fall favorites as a fam of THREE

Hello. Here I am.
Yes. I'm surprised too.
Not necessarily bad surprised, just surprised.

We are still a family of three.
Just waiting on our sweet little nugget to arrive.

Oh the waiting.

Good thing I have a cute toddler to keep me entertained.

The most frustrating part is that I still have 5 days until my due date. So I really have no right to have ants in my pants just yet. And I *annoyingly* feel better than I have my entire pregnancy - like I could carry this baby for 3 more months. {Heavens mercy me, let's hope not}.

It's just that I (and many others) truly thought I'd be snuggling my newbie by now. I had Lyla at 38 weeks, my doctor has told me over and over that it's historically common for mamas who have their first early will have subsequent babies early, I've been measuring ahead, and I've had signs of imminent labor for a couple of weeks now.

Not to mention all the lovely texts and messages that are messing with my head asking if I'm still pregnant. Or if there's a baby yet. It really means so much having friends and family check on us. But, I promise we are not keeping our baby a secret, and I promise you will know once he or she has arrived. :)

It is just a bit surreal because this past weekend was a milestone in my mind. Way back in the summer when I was planning out my calendar, and when I finally decided on a last day date for my job, I specifically remember penciling in events on my calendar for this past weekend. I did so with a smirk on my face because I knew Gabe and I probably would not be participating in any festivities this weekend because we'd have a newborn.

I was just sure of it.

Well. Here we are. The weekend has come and gone. And I'm still pregnant.

Very pregnant.

But quite honestly, I really am okay with that. We've had amazing family time, I've had so much fun with Lyla, and this baby is doing his/her job by staying put and growing. Plus, baby is quite cozy in there, and we are all cozy getting our sleep on. Who am I to wish that would end?

But let's be honest. All of those things still don't take the ants out of my pants...

-----------------------

We really have had the most delightful fall-filled weekends as a family of three. And I am so thankful we've had the time together.

Two weekends ago, we spent our Saturday morning at Entz Apple Orchard. This is absolutely one of my most favorite fall traditions. I love supporting this family-run orchard, and Lyla has the best time picking and snacking along the way. She thinks she's the biggest of kiddos.

This year, I made the mistake of dressing like my toddler. So awkward. I swear it wasn't planned...it's just that Ly looked so darn cute, and I was 37 weeks pregnant and had really run out of options. {I've pretty much been on a 3 outfit rotation for the last 3 weeks.}

The tacky matching cheese-factor is almost painful. But we still managed to get some cute pics regardless.

Our last picture as a family of three? 

Nope. 

And then this past weekend, while I anxiously anticipated labor, we hung with friends for the K-State game, celebrated a good friend's 30th birthday (and even stayed out past 9:30...whaaattt???), and went to the pumpkin patch.

For the past 2 years, we've always gone to Walter's Pumpkin Patch with our "crew" - a near and dear group of friends who have kiddos the same age and who share the same love for fall traditions. We had it on the calendar for months {even though I was sure we wouldn't be joining}, but it was our plan to go with them IF I wasn't in labor or IF I didn't have a newborn.

Well, I had neither and we still didn't go with our crew. Thanks to my Mother-in-Law who scared the bejoobies out of me by reminding me that I'm 39 weeks pregnant, and that driving over 45 minutes away with our toddler in tow may not be the best idea. I wasn't exactly prepared to deliver a baby on the side of the highway.

So we opted for a more local patch and ended up meeting up with some of our good pals anyway. And Lyla was pretty stoked because she got to hang out with her best bud since birth.

And for the record, Gabe always likes to point out that these two tots are "just friends". But I'm not so sure...

Just a couple of "friends"

Going to the patch almost trumps my weekly pumpkin spice lattes every fall. Ironically, I was begging the baby to stay put through the weekend so we could in fact make our traditional stop at the patch. I didn't think baby would actually listen, but I'm so happy he/she did. Lyla loved chasing Dad through the corn maze, continuously begged for "Cal hold muh hand", fed the animals and then proceeded to suck her thumb before I could sanitize it, and felt like the biggest of kids walking away with her prized pumpkin.

Goodness I love fall. And I love that baby hung on for one more weekend so that we could enjoy fall.

But now, I'm ready for you, Baby. Go ahead and make your debut. 

Who am I kidding? At this rate, I'm sure I'll be blogging about our Halloween...with a babe still in belly.

Permanent Maternity Leave

It's finally starting to sink in.
At least a little.

At this moment in time, I am on permanent maternity leave.
I'm *gasp* a stay-at-home-mom.

I can't say this was ever in our plan. It's never even been a dream really. That is until Lyla was born just over two years ago, and I went back to teaching for a year. Priorities started shifting away, and I got sadder and sadder deep within my gut. And that sadness never subsided for me like it does for many other moms. So, I made some life changes, got an ideal new job, found more balance, and was happier than I'd ever been.

But now that we're expecting our second, and after a lot Saturday morning coffee talks, one too many morning-rush-blurs, the inability to take care of my own kid when she's sick, a super-jazzed-up excel spreadsheet of our budget, and the realization that working for me simply meant paying for daycare for two kiddos, we came to the conclusion that it would be best for me to stay home.

And I couldn't be more excited...or thankful.

I have no idea what this new gig will look like. It's quite difficult to imagine, really. And I don't exactly know how long of a gig it may be. I tend to get antsy easily. I like being productive. I like being social. I like using my brain. And, if we're completely honest, I like not having to check our bank account every 15 minutes to make sure I haven't spent too much at Baby Gap. That being said, however, I love being a mom. Every ounce of my being wants to be there for my kids, put more than half of myself into their lives, and stop going through life at such a rapid speed that I blink and suddenly have two teenagers arguing over the car. And although I do have an idea or two up my sleeve to help me with my desires to stay with-it and be a productive member of society (and hopefully bring in some extra income too), I am reminding myself that this time goes by in a flash. And I want to soak up every moment with my babies. Just enjoy. Just be. 

However, things started off a bit rough my first week on the new job. My hope was to have a good, solid week with Lyla. A few days for just the two of us before baby arrives. To make up for lost time, busy schedules, and future time that will be spent with a newborn. But my first day into my new gig, I was just sure I was going into labor as I woke in the middle of the night with stomach-flu-like symptoms. Same exact thing happened the day I went into labor with Lyla. All I could think was "I'M NOT READY. THE NURSERY ISN'T READY. MY HOSPITAL BAG ISN'T READY."

Well. Instead of me going into labor, my "stomach-flu-like symptoms" turned out to be the actual stomach bug. I was pretty miserable (and pretty 9 months pregnant) with a toddler at home who needed me. Because she, of course, came down with the bug too. Luckily, hers only lasted 24 hours. But in those 24 hours, I washed sheets a total of 6 times. And I lost a total of 4 pounds between last week's OB appointment and yesterday's. Where I found out I am indeed progressing, and it really could be anytime that baby makes his or her debut.

Could be in 2 weeks. Could be tonight. {And because I'm admittedly neurotic, I went back to look at my blogpost from a few days before Ly was born. Turns out, I am exactly at the same spot I was four days before I went into labor with her.}

Ugh. The anticipation. And I still don't think I'm quite ready. {insert nervous emoticon face}

And just as we're finally getting into the swing of things as we wait for "baby sister" (according to Lyla) to arrive. We've gone to story time at the library, she started "school" one day a week, and this mama has been hyper-productive. I've crossed things off my list that have been sitting there collecting dust for a good 6 months. And Gabe and I even went on our first date in, oh, probably 6 or 7 months, to celebrate my birthday. I had the best shrimp and scallop fettuccine alfredo and banana caramel bread pudding. And it was worth every minute spent in misery with a horrible tummy ache.

And oh my goodness the mood shift in this house. Everyone is more relaxed. And all around happier. Especially Lyla. It's amazing at how much of a buzzkill I was at the end of each day after work. Now, I have more energy and time for Ly, and she is just happier. Of course our blissful, dream-like state is about to come to a crashing halt any day once we bring home a crying newborn and jump back into a life of lack-of-sleep-induced comas. Believe me, I'm aware.

And in fact, because this baby loves squeezing the heck out of my bladder, I'm up all hours of the night. And every time I wake, I'm thankful I haven't yet gone into labor because I get one more day with Miss Beans. As excited as I am to meet our new babe, I do get a little misty thinking about how the dynamics of our family are going to change. I remember feeling the same way when it was just Gabe and I anxiously waiting for Lyla to be born.  Of course that sadness went away and was immediately replaced by the most incomprehensible joy we'd ever felt the moment Ly entered the world. And I'm sure that will happen again with new baby's arrival. But it's still bittersweet.

But while we wait, we will continue to utilize every moment of our weekends together as a family of three. And during the week, I am soaking up this girl time - just the two of us. Ly is at the cutest age, and I truly wish I could bottle up her two-year-oldness forever.

I melt over so many things... // When she pulls up my shirt and gives "kisses to baby sister" at random. // Or when she's playing for hours at a time sporadically stops what she's doing to look up and say "hi mom" as a little reminder she's still in the room and needs a moment of attention. // Talking on the phone to her and hearing her say "hi mama. I love you." or "happy birthday mama" in the sweetest little voice I've ever heard in my life. // Her warnings to "be careful" when I'm cooking over a hot stove or if I trip over something. // Her wanting to be a little adult by carrying around her purse and phone everywhere she goes or "putting on makeup" while I get ready. (No. I do not let her put on makeup. I give her my makeup brush and she goes to town). // How she tells any guest who leaves "see ya alligator". // Or when I had her test out the pouf in the corner of the baby room. She sadly walked over and said "Lyla in timeout." Bless her sweet little heart - I nearly cried. //

I would love to have a two year old for the rest of my life. It's just the best. And I'm so grateful I get this one on one time with her before babe.

So far, I sure am loving this new life. And I am unguilt-ily going to go enjoy every last sip of my homemade pumpkin spice coffee, finish up some projects in the baby room, and savor these quiet moments during nap time. Because these days are fleeting and going to abruptly come to an end very soon.

And call me crazy, but I couldn't be more excited for the chaos that is to ensue.

Bring on our family of four.

Thoughts at 35(ish) Weeks

So here I am. Nearing the end of my pregnancy. Obeying strict orders from my husband to put my feet up after working all day. Trying to nurse my right cankle back to its original state. While I longingly watch as he sips on a glass of red wine.

It's nights like this where I'm just so ready for pregnancy to be over. Where I feel so limited in what I can do because of {take your pick at just about any pregnancy side effect: high blood sugar, fatigue, swelling, or nausea.} Let's just say, I'm not the kind of girl who handles limitations well. I want to do-do-do. All the time. Especially when there is so much left to do-do-do before baby arrives.

But of course, I snap out of it. And I'm often gently humbled. Because I am so thankful, so grateful that I am able to carry and grow a little human. Even if it takes a nasty case of cankle-itis to achieve. And as much as I am desperately looking forward to being done with the sciatic nerve pains and late night heart burn, I still want to remember it all. You know, remember the battle wounds and thoughts I had during this pregnancy. Like...

- Just about everyone I talk to, strangers included, asks me if I'm having a boy. I usually tell them that's what I think I'm having. I'm carrying lower, the heart rate has been in the high 130's, and all I can picture is a little baby boy. Even our nursery leans a little on the masculine side. Oh, and we only have a boy name. I mean not even one girl name in the running. Because of all of these things of course, the baby is more than likely going to be a girl. Either way, we can't WAIT to meet our baby and will surprised no matter who he/she is! And not finding out the sex is so.much.fun.

- Although I definitely have good days too, overall, this pregnancy has taken its toll on me. I may have only dealt with "morning sickness" for 14 weeks this time around, (whereas with Lyla, I was sick 24/7 for 7 straight months) but I've had my fair share of infections, illnesses, and ailments that have beaten me to a pulp. I either had a cold or sinus infection every few weeks from January to July, I've had blood sugar and blood pressure issues causing me to faint, I failed my glucose test, I had a UTI, I've had pretty severe lower back pain for the past several months, my ankles swell the moment the temperature rises or I sit too long (which is all day every day at work), I've had strong and at times uncomfortable Braxton Hicks contractions off and on since 20 weeks, and I feel like a large, ridiculous walrus waddling and rolling about. Let's just say I cannot relate to my unicorn friends who love being pregnant and whose only pregnancy side effects are trying to find clothes that fit the extra 10 pounds they're carrying. ;)

- My latest doctor's appointment was the jolt we needed to send us into a we-better-get-moving-and-prepare-for-this-baby frenzy. My doc decided to check me because of my contractions and pressure I've been feeling. I'm measuring a week early and I've already started to dilate - just barely, but the process has begun. And we have a whole lot of nothing ready for this baby. No seriously, I'm not even sure where the carseat is at the moment. So this appointment was just the motivation we needed. And it's quite weird to know that I could be 35 (almost 36 weeks). I totally wasn't prepared for that. Then again, this babe could stick around like it's "supposed to" until the end of October. Not knowing is a killer for this controlling planner mama. But baby is in control here, and joke's on mom.

- There is no better word to describe this pregnancy than bittersweet. I truly cannot imagine putting my body through this again. But in the exact same breath, I can't imagine not ever doing this again. Ironic, eh? As much as I *most of the time* am ready for pregnancy to be over, I just know I will miss it and feel sad and nostalgic the moment the babe is on the outside. Funny how that works.

- There is absolutely nothing I love more than feeling this babe move. I know it's everyone's favorite part of pregnancy, but I sort of feel like I missed out on this with Lyla. No really. Of course Ly moved around and kicked, but very little. She was super quiet. In fact, when I checked into the hospital during labor, they asked me the last time I felt fetal movement. When I responded, "a week or so ago", everyone freaked out. Now I understand why. I get nervous if I go a few hours without feeling babe #2. And there's nothing I love more than feeling little legs and arms...even if they're jabbing me raw. It's still so sweet. Totally going to miss it.

- I always thought pregnancy brain was a cop-out. But oh no, my friends. It is very, very real. Lately, I've been doing the silliest of things - forgetting everyday words, not remembering how to perform the simplest of work tasks, and losing my keys on an hourly basis. But oh my word. Last week it hit a mama-needs-an-intervention level. I'm on a committee where each member is responsible for one meeting out of the year - to secretary for the meeting and bring food for the group. I've had it on my calendar for months. Well. I planned everything out over the weekend, lined up a babysitter, and had Gabe make a Sam's run for snacks while I made cupcakes for my meeting. But while baking on the Monday evening before my Tuesday meeting, I got an e-mail. I opened it, and it was from my director asking me if I was ok because it wasn't like me to miss a meeting. Yep. The meeting was on Monday, not Tuesday.

- We actually made some progress on the nursery this weekend. What in the world took so long? We had to tackle Lyla's big girl room, plan and execute her second birthday party, and begin potty training. {Yes, I made the dumb decision to try 3 Day Potty Training Boot Camp at 8 months pregnant. And although I'm now very thankful we stuck to it, I've never been so mentally and physically drained. A whole other blog post in and of itself). Now that all of those things are finished, we are finally starting and even making some progress on babe #2's room. I even had a couple of tearful, intimate moments sitting in the rocking chair and putting the sheets on baby's bed. Baby, I love you so much already and can't wait to meet you.

- Confession. I often forget how many weeks I am, I have yet to know what "fruit" my baby is, and I have no idea at any given time what organs are forming on a given week. Oh. And I eat deli meat and drink coffee almost every day. Does that make me a bad mom? Nah. It's just completely obvious that this is my second kid. And I'm so clearly a pro that I no longer have to follow the rules.  ;)

But seriously. We're having baby soon. And I am ecstatic.

Eeek!

Double the Trouble

So, let's talk about this whole having another child thing for a moment, shall we?

We are going to have children. As in plural. As in more than one.

And that has always been the plan. We've always pictured two kiddos running around - a perfectly packaged little family of four. 

And because I *sort of* know what to expect this time around, I feel more relaxed, at ease, and excited for our #2 to arrive. Which is completely out of character for me. I am that crazy lady who plans out specific to-do lists in 20 minute intervals beginning the moment I walk in the door from work in the evenings. Then add having a baby in the mix, and my nesting instinct goes into hyper-vacuuming-dusting-organizing overdrive. 

But oddly enough there is an element of peace in not knowing the sex of this babe. Yes you heard me correctly. It’s sort of like the pressure of all the planning and nursery decorating and perfect baby-outfit-hunting has been taken away with not knowing if we’re having a boy or a girl. I can just focus on living and growing a baby. {And arranging then rearranging every closet and cabinet in the house}. 

However.

It's still difficult for me to picture having two littles. Two. That's double how many kiddos grew up in my household. I'm an only, just me. So I don't fully comprehend the sibling relationship {and personally feel that I'm missing out}, and I don't relate to having to have mom and dad divide share their attention with another.

But these same reasons are exactly why I did not want to have an only child: it's lonely, and you have a much harder time not getting your way. And Lyla has reached the age where she's starting to show signs of "only child syndrome". Girlfriend needs a sibling because 1. she could use a playmate and 2. the world revolves around her and only her… just ask her grandparents. 

So it is time for another.

But, even though I'm thrilled to be expanding and completing our family, I'm not quite sure how to grasp the idea of two. Two whom I love equally. Two whom my attention must be shared. How will that work? I know every parent goes through this before having a second. And many decide to keep sharing the love with more and more children after that. But it's a concept I simply cannot grasp at the moment.

Because I l.o.v.e. Lyla. Like, a lot.

So much that I honest-to-goodness felt like I was doing something naughty when we went to our first OB appointment for babe #2 at 8 weeks. I felt like I was cheating on my first born. 

And although I am absolutely obsessed with the newborn phase, and pretty much every phase thereafter, the thought of dusting off all the baby stuff throws my head into a tailspin  the bottles, the pacifiers, the blankets, the burpcloths. Or all the laundry and onesie changes from spit up and blowouts. Or forgetting how to interact with other adults because life is now defined by your new boss(es). Or completely losing your brain because you seemingly have more to remember than any other human. Or, dear heavens, the feeling that you'll never ever ever sleep again.

All of this while also caring for a toddler.

Oh, the thought of wrangling a newbie and a needy toddler. At the grocery store, in a parking lot, or while I'm making dinner. Or what about nursing while your toddler is crying because you're "ignoring" her and being responsible enough to adequetely feed two, meanwhile trying to remember to feed yourself. And mercy me, the thought of coordinating nap schedules - what a nightmare. Logistically, can someone draw out a blueprint for me?

But of course it will all work itself out. And I want to enjoy all of those moments, no matter how sleep deprived or challenging. Luckily, I've had a group of friends to pave the way in how to survive with two. {Although, they make it seem suspiciously easy.}

And in terms of "sharing the love", it's something I know I won't understand until it happens. A lot like parenthood in general. You just have no idea that much happiness exists. You're truly clueless before baby. And off-the-charts surprised by the amount of love that exists when your babe enters the world.

And thanks to some wise words spoken by a good friend, I find myself repeating my new mantra, "Your love isn't divided between two, it's simply doubled".

I really like the sound of that.

Because if the joy that Lyla brings to our lives is doubled? 

Well then. Stick a fork in me. I’m done. 

Bumpdate on Babe #2

Oh, I think it's about that time for another bump date. 

And on that note, I'm hoping to do much better in other areas with Baby #2 in terms of keeping up with storing memories like I did with big sis, Lyla. Because so far, I have a horrible track record already with blogging and tracking the happenings during my pregnancy in general. 

Too tired. Too "busy". Working, chasing around a toddler when I'm not working, and traveling on the weekends for the past 2 months {boo-hoo, I know}. 

One thing I'm not doing? Working on a nursery that is currently serving as a storage room or transitioning Lyla to her big girl bed. Oh, and not working on the whole potty training thing, which would be the goal before baby #2 arrives. We obviously have lofty aspirations around here. But at the rate we're going, we'll be lucky if the crib gets moved to the nursery. 

But let's get on with some pregnancy #2 tidbits, shall we? 

- I still can't get over the fact that I no longer have morning sickness. I was robbed of any joys of my first pregnancy due to being sick for 7 solid months. The funny part about it was that I felt amazing in my last trimester, in the thick of sweaty, swollen, August. With this pregnancy, however, my morning sickness went away at the 14 week mark. It's so strange to be pregnant not hurled over praying for some relief. Thank you, Lord!

- On that note, the nausea may be long-gone, but respiratory issues have decided to take over that particular vacancy. I have had more than one breakdown {that I am not proud of} over the sickness in our house this season. Lyla has been sick in two week increments since JANUARY, with the evil culprits being colds, stomach bug, sinus infection, and ear infections. And an allergic reaction to antibiotics for good measure. Her pediatrician {and Google} assure me that it's common for toddlers to catch 8-10 viruses in their first year of daycare. Well, we're somewhere around 10. And unfortunately, with me being pregnant and all of my immunity going to babe #2, I'm catching everything Lyla gets. With the inability to get proper rest to recover. So, I haven't been able to enjoy pregnancy like I'd hoped...yet again. Boo. *Except of course in the healthy moments. I feel on top of the world!*

- This baby may only be 23 weeks old, but I have felt it more in the past few weeks than I ever did with Lyla the entire time I was pregnant with her. Doctors would usually look at me with concerned eyes when I told them I would go weeks without feeling her. My mom says I was the same way in utero - she rarely felt me kick. Oh, but this babe is a little mover and groover. Just all over the place. And I'm so in love. 

- I've noticed two things have happened significantly sooner than last time I was preg: I've gained weight quicker and my belly popped much sooner with this one, and I'm experiencing symptoms that never reared their ugly heads until third trimester. I've already got heartburn, I'm sleeping with a body pillow, I've got some joint and muscle aches, and I've felt a few Braxton Hicks already. It's too soon for these things! 

- I'm actually starting to *gasp* be ok with my body. I don't know, it's something about my belly getting rounder, that really makes me feel pregnant. And I kind of...like it. Not all the time, but some of the time. I get so mad at myself that I'm not a chick who loves pregnancy - it definitely does not make me feel beautiful. How can it when I'm either fatigued, dry heaving, gaining weight in places {other than my belly} at a rapid pace, or experiencing just about every pregnancy symptom written about in Jenny Mcarthy's Belly Laughs? But because this will be my last pregnancy, I am really trying to take it all in and savor the sweet moments. Ones that I'll never experience again. Because as much as I really did not like being pregnant with Lyla, I missed it the moment she was born. I'm sure I'll doubly feel that pain when this babe makes its debut. Ironic, huh?

- I had a little pregnancy "incident" last week. I've felt dizzy on and off throughout both of my pregnancies. Very normal, especially for second trimester when all your blood heads straight toward the placenta. And on a normal, non-pregnant day, I can often get dizzy or feel light-headed thanks to low blood pressure. Well. I was at work last week, feeling a bit queasy in the morning. My co-workers started talking about blood, stitches, and trauma when I couldn't take it anymore. I felt really hot and went to sit next to the air conditioning. A co-worker asked if I was alright {knowing that I am never, ever, ever hot}, and I said I was fine. We got into a conversation to keep my mind off the queasy, when I cut her off and told her I needed to go to the back of the office because I didn't want to cause a scene if I passed out. Luckily she followed me, because the last thing I remember is asking her to grab me a bag of pretzels...when suddenly I went down and she caught me and laid me on the floor. There I was, pregnant and passed out cold. Apparently I was out for over 2 minutes. I awoke to a co-worker shaking me and yelling my name and paramedics with all their equipment, stretcher included. Oy. After I fully came-to, I refused to go to the hospital and Gabe took me to my regular OBGYN instead. I simply had low blood pressure (lower than my normal low), low blood sugar, and a heart rate that apparently marathon runners would kill for. Doc told me to eat more protein throughout the day and to immediately lie down on my left side if I feel dizzy...rather than standing up to walk away because I feel embarrassed. 

Well. Embarrassed I was. 

- This pregnancy is absolutely flying by at a hare pace. It could be the fact that we've been gone every single weekend, or it could be that we have a toddler and everyday life to keep up with. All I know is that October will be here before we know it, and I have never felt so unprepared for anything. Ever. {And by golly, it feels kind of good}. 

- Speaking of being unprepared, I'm not quite sure what to do if Babe #2 is a boy. Which I'm fairly confident it is. Not because of any particular feeling, simply because I picture Lyla with a baby brother. I picture little boy Chucks and a mini Gabe rough and tumbling around the house. Oh, but a baby sister would be quite the sweet surprise as well! But this whole not-finding-out thing is just so fun. It doesn't seem to be too fun for anyone else in our lives, but we sure are enjoying the guessing game! However, if it is a boy, we have absolutely nothing. Not one boy thing. Yikes. 

Well, here's to hoping for a bout of health and feeling good over the next few months. 

Sigh. The things our body endures when we're carrying our wee ones. Totally and completely worth every bit of it, of course. 

You hear that, babe #2? You're worth it!

A lame excuse for a bumpdate.

Poor baby #2.

Already getting second child treatment.

As evidenced by my first bump pic. 16 weeks into my pregnancy, while running out the door to a cookout, with the worst ever background chosen for a photo.

Oh. Don't worry. I got one more bump pic for you, sweet baby #2. This one with your big sister in it, of course. Something tells me she's going to be in most of your photos.

I'm 16 and a half weeks and just doing my first "bump date" post. If you can even call it that. And sadly, I don't really feel bad about it. There's not a deep desperate desire to track every little thing with this pregnancy. All the symptoms, the cravings, and belly pics. I don't even have a clear vision of my new babe's nursery yet {gasp}.

I just don't have the energy.

I'm terribly sorry, sweet second child of mine.

And although my pregnancy motto tends to be "Thanks for your concern but I'm not dead, I'm pregnant", I really do think I was partially dead my first trimester. All I had the energy to do was curse my harsh wake up call of 5:30 a.m. every morning, go to work, make nightly dinners of cheese and tortillas, and barely brush my teeth before the ripe bedtime of 7:30 p.m.

Not to mention the constant dizziness, 24/7 debilitating nausea, and super-fun dry heaves.

Pregnancy is a hoot, I tell you!

But we're out of that phase, folks. And I truly can't believe it. Because I felt the exact same symptoms during my pregnancy with Lyla for seven months.

Seven. brutal. months.

So, I'm trying not to get my hopes up. But we're going on 2 weeks of no nausea and much less fatigue. So I'm really hopeful that we've moved on and are completely done with "morning" sickness.

Please oh please, jinx gods, be kind to me.

So what else have you missed out on in the past four months?

- Telling everyone our news. For the most part, telling others this time around has been significantly more anticlimactic than the last time we shared the exact same news. {Again, I'm sorry sweet babe #2}. Don't get me wrong, everyone has been excited, of course. It just seemed that most everyone else was much less surprised than we were to find out we were expecting #2. It's funny when your mom or mother-in-law don't nearly pass out this time around, or when you have responses such as "I knew it" or "I figured it would be any day now". Especially when we ourselves didn't even know nor had the plan to get pregnant with a second just yet.

Regardless, spreading the news was so much fun as we had several different variations of sharing: Lyla walking out in a Big Sis t-shirt, holding up my margarita glass in a group toast only to interrupt with a "cheers to baby #2 on the way", ending a simple phone conversation with "Well, you're going to be an uncle/auntie...again", and my personal favorite {which happened multiple times} - when a friend sarcastically asks me why I'm not drinking "Are you pregnant or something?" and I respond with a simple "yep."

Fun times.

- Most commonly asked questions when finding out I was pregnant. It always tickles me to hear the questions and responses people have once they find out you're preg. I really got asked the exact same things over and over. And just because we all have a little bit of a nosy-nancy in us, I'll ease your mind and answer a few for you. {Because I'm sure it's kept you up at night...simply itching to know}.

Were you trying? Err...no. And yes I know how babies are made. Gabe actually brought up the "maybe we should start trying for a second" talk over Christmas. But I panicked and decided I wasn't ready. Well, clearly there was some carelessness involved a time or two. And...now we're expecting babe #2.

Have you told Lyla? Yes. We told her right away that we were so excited for her to be a big sister and that mommy was going to have a baby. And I point to my belly and say "baby". She gets terribly confused. And she has no clue that her world is about to be rocked in six months.



How have you been feeling? Thank you to those who have asked this question! {Which is pretty much everyone who has been pregnant before}. The answer is absolutely rotten. But I think I'm in the clear at this point...fingers crossed.

Are you finding out the sex? Nope. {Insert lots of dramatically loud gasps, "but how will you ever do the nursery???", and annoyed, blank looks.} Oh. And several people have bet that I'll never be able to go through with not finding out because of my control-freak nature. But those people obviously don't really know me...because the very thought that I can't do it only fuels my fire and makes me absolutely giddy to prove them wrong. Besides, it has been SO MUCH FUN watching quite a few of my friends not find out the sex of their babies. Best surprise in all of life. And I really don't even feel tempted to find out at our next sonogram. Honest!

Will you have a natural birth this time around? Oh dear. This is a tough one. I love labor and birth so much. And I am so, so happy I had a natural childbirth with Lyla - it was the most cathartic, spiritual, and beautiful experience of my entire life. In fact, I just read my 11-page personal birth story this morning (the one that never got published to this here blog). And I teared up throughout, incredibly thankful that I wrote out every single detail just 72 hours after Lyla was born. That being said, as truly amazing as the experience was, the jury is out on this one. Still thinking about it.

Cravings. I always thought the whole idea of cravings was a load of bull-honky. I think it's an excuse for us deprived, American women to indulge in the things we've ban ourselves from eating since we were in middle school. {We need to take advice from the French who always indulge but in moderation , therefore not going crazy during pregnancy. Currently on my nightstand and loving: Bringing Up Bebe.} That being said, I really have only had two cravings this pregnancy: cheese and fruit. Oh my dear word. I could eat a block of cheese a day. Or a tub or two of cottage cheese. And I would probably sing the national anthem at a Red Socks game completely naked just to get to a bowl of fruit. Pure decadence.

This pregnancy versus my first. I would say there have only been two major differences between my pregnancies. For one, the blasted sickness. Although I felt identical to the way I did when I was pregnant with Lyla, the nausea went away in the second trimester this time around.

The other difference has been when I started showing. I swear my belly peek-a-boo'd at 5 weeks. And has only gotten progressively bigger much, much sooner than it did with the first. As we speak, my current 16 week belly is as big as it was at 21 weeks last time. {Believe me, I compared photos}.

Oh. And I'd say my mentality is different his time around. A huge part of that is the lifestyle changes I've made - mostly leaving a job I wasn't crazy about and feeling much less stress. But also, I'm just not as obsessed about researching and reading and preparing as I was while pregnant with my first. I'm much more laid back and relaxed. Sadly, that also includes how I'm treating my body. While pregnant with Ly, I was psycho about working out every.single.day. and eating like a health nut. I simply don't have the time or energy {or willpower} this time around as I still have a full time job...and a toddler.

This *ahem* could be the contribution to my protruding-much-sooner belly.

See there, baby #2. I've completed my first bumpdate while pregnant with you. And look at the bright side, you're getting much more delicious food than your big sister AND your mama isn't nearly as crazy with you as she was with her.

You win some, you lose some.

Deja Vu.

Thank you, blog, for always being there.
I can always count on you to bring me nostalgia.

I am so incredibly happy I jotted down my thoughts the week I found out I was pregnant {again}. I love to remember the exact feelings I have at significant moments in time. Because it's funny sad how you start to forget the details even after a few days.

So. Thank you, blog.

Written February 19, 2014. {Lyla's 18 Month Birthday}. 

Last Wednesday started off as the most ordinary of days.

Woke up before my alarm.
Tossed and turned to try to get an 20 extra minutes of sleep.
Cursed myself for watching Netflix until 11:30.

Decided to finally roll out of bed around 5:40 a.m.

I hopped in the shower.
Said my morning prayers.
Reviewed the day's to-do's in my head.
Ate breakfast and packed my lunch.

It was two days before Valentine's Day.
And although the day itself was ordinary, something felt a bit different.
Extraordinary almost.

I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was.
Maybe I was just excited for our upcoming Valentine stay-at-home seafood date night.
Or maybe I was happy because it was almost Friday.

And then it dawned on me.
I'm about to start my "favorite" time of the month. Yes, that's it. I always feel a little off. 
Wait. 
Speaking of, when should I be expecting that?
So, I went and checked my trusty iPhone app.
Your period is due today. 

This wouldn't have raised even the slightest of questions pre-Lyla when my cycle was all over the place. But post-Lyla, my body has been like clockwork. I had a brief moment where I thought, What if I'm...? No. There's no way.

And I didn't really give it another thought.
Well, that is, until Gabe offered to make me our usual morning coffee. Suddenly, that feeling washed over me. It's a feeling I can't really explain. And one that I've only ever felt one other time in my life - the morning I found out I was pregnant with Lyla.

No physical feelings or symptoms.
Just straight up deep-in-my-gut I-just-know feeling.

I convinced myself I was loony-toony, but quickly assured myself I'd pick up a pregnancy test at Target while I ran my Wednesday lunch break errands.
Just to be sure, I thought.

My gut-feeling took over on and off throughout the day.
Internally, I was poking fun and laughing at my neuroses.
Angela, there's no way. Gabe had poison ivy for a week {yes, for a fourth time this year}, and then we were sick for another two weeks. Just no way. 

Besides, I wasn't quite ready for #2 just yet. Our plan is was to begin trying late spring early summer. You know, so we could pay off a little more debt, get in a little better shape, and get a little better mentally prepared for a family of four.
You're a wack-a-doo, Angela. Besides, you aren't ready for TWO yet. 

So, I picked up Lyla from daycare and started dinner right when I got home.
Gabe walked in the door, told me dinner smelled delicious, and changed his clothes because he was having beer with the boys that evening.
He walked back in the kitchen, and I incoherently blurted out that I was going to go take a pregnancy test before he left because I just had a feeling.
He laughed and assured me I wasn't pregnant but to "do what I needed to do".
{I love that my man loves me despite my default psychotic tendencies.}

The next few minutes were unexciting, unromantic, and anticlimactic.

I peed on a stick with no anticipation.
In fact, I'm pretty sure I was thinking about the RSVP's I needed to make to some upcoming showers and birthdays.

Then I saw the little clock ticking.
I quickly read the test directions {after I had already begun the test}, and they said that the little clock signified the test was working. And I suddenly felt like my stomach was in my throat. Because although I was just sure that I wasn't...what if I was???

I left the bathroom. Played with Lyla. Chatted with Gabe. And nonchalantly went back to the bathroom.
I slowly crept up to the test. Peered over the sink. And stood there in complete silence and shock.

YES.

Oh that word, YES.  
It stared me down, mocked me, and practically screamed back at me, "nanny, nanny, boo-boo."

I began to laugh. I laughed so hard, I nearly cried. And for a brief second, I had a moment of clarity. I thought I should totally save this special news for Valentine's Day. You know, let Gabe enjoy his boy's night. Besides, that's only 2 days of keeping a secret {from the one person whom I share ev.ery.thing.}

But of course I couldn't contain myself.
I ran to the kitchen, waved the test in the air, and hysterically laughed out the words, I'm pregnant!!!

I'm pretty sure Gabe's initial reaction was, How? But very quickly followed by a huge smile, a kiss and this is great news! how exciting! I love you! He then swooped up Lyla and said you're going to be a big sister!

Much different than his reaction the first time around.

I wanted to freeze that exact moment in time.
It felt like an out-of-body experience. Yet so completely natural.

I'm pregnant.

Again.

And I am acutely aware of how very blessed we are. Being thankful doesn't even begin to appropriately illustrate the feelings of gratitude I have toward our little blessing.

Baby number two is on the way.

Although I've had a little time to process this news, it still feels unreal. And comforting all at the same time. There's just something about being pregnant with our second that makes me feel whole. It's like our little family is complete.

Greens, party of four. 
That sure has a nice ring to it.

Bombardings: Easter, 20 Months, and I'm pregnant.

See how productive I am?
I'm covering three major family events all in one post.

That's how I roll. At least as of lately. For the last, oh, three and a half months or so.

I pretty much save everything for a day when "I feel well" or "have the energy". But so far, that day hasn't really arrived. So that simply means we consistently have around 7 loads of laundry at a time and the blog milestones pile up so much that I have to cover from present day to Lyla's 21st birthday in one post.

And just in case you missed the social media announcement, we're expecting. As in baby #2. And we are just sure Lyla is going to be the best big sis ever. Even though it completely confuses her when I tell her "there's a baby in Mommy's tummy". And the fact that she cries every time I hold a newborn. Regardless, we're excited. And I promise to give a real update on the ol pregnancy soon. When I "have the energy". {Sigh}.

 What would an egg hunt be without blue jelly bean juice dripping down your brand new easter dress?

That being said, my sweet girl is 20 months old. And no, I don't go around telling people she's 20 months old. Because that's obnoxious. She's "a year and a half".  But, actually, I've slipped a few times and felt embarrassed. When a stranger asks how old she is, they want to know in years, not months. Because that's simply too much math.

Anyway...this has obviously been my favorite month. I'm not kidding when I say that I've never, ever seen Lyla as happy as she's been this month. I mean, we have an overall pretty happy kid. But this month, she's been spending a lot of time outside, and she is head.over.heels. She runs around, collects rocks, chases the dogs, picks flowers, throws her ball, and picks up grass and blows it out of her hands (a trick she learned from Dad). She runs around in circles, talks to the birds, and laughs hysterically at pretty much every sound she hears. Oh, and she loves dining al fresco. Just like mom and dad.

Ly has also been quite the little lover this month. Lots of kisses and actual hugging. Just today, she was throwing a little tantrum, and I told her "no". She looked up at me with teary eyes, threw her body into mine and gave me the biggest bear hug. {I die.} She's finally started puckering when she kisses, and I get a blown kiss every morning before I leave for work.

And oh my, the vocabulary! It has exploded this month. She's still only saying two-word simple sentences, like greetings, but it's so fun to hear all the words she knows. I can no longer track the words she says and am constantly surprised by the connections she makes. A few weeks ago, she was working on her shape puzzle by herself, and I peeked in at her. She was placing the star and heart into the proper spots and actually said "star" and "heart". I couldn't believe it! I think I've mentioned those shapes once or twice. Or the other night before bed, she was pointing to and naming all the letter "A's" on my shirt. Or this morning, she was excitedly making monkey noises at the grocery store. I kept looking around to see if there was a picture of a monkey somewhere. Sure enough, there was a teeny-tiny stuffed monkey hanging about 10 feet away. Then she pointed to his long fingers and exclaimed "TOES"!

But I'm quite sure her new favorite pastime is officially hunting for easter eggs. Oh the joy it brings! I'm not even completely sure how she knew what to do, but she was instinctively a master hunter. My mom works at a nursing home, and they hosted an easter egg hunt for the families. It was Ly's very first hunt. Usually, she's the last one to chime in and participate, but she bolted out ready to FIND HER EGGS before the hunt even began.

Luckily, we had three more egg hunts after that one.

Hunt #2

Unfortunately, I don't have a good picture of Ly actually "hunting" because 1. The Kansas winds were blowing approximately 60 mph. 2. There were about 200 kids in the age 1-3 group {and Ly doesn't love big groups}. 3. This was the start of an undetected double ear infection. 4. This was her second hunt of the day. And she was sort of over it. Until she got her lollipop. 

Ly and her best buds she's known since they were in their mamas' wombs. See. Look how much fun she's having. 

Hunt #3

Ly got together with her best buddy, Cal. Always a good time with this little lad. These two have also known each other since they were little beans in their mamas' bellies.

 Someone started getting confident and decided to be an egg-hog. 

Hunt #4

This was Ly's personal favorite as she was by herself at GiGi and Pops and got all the jelly beans {and attention} to herself.

This Easter was just perfect. Church service with the fam, dyeing easter eggs with Grams, waking up to a fun-filled easter basket, and dining on cranky turkey sandwiches with the grandparents.

And some pretty nice weather to boot.

Oh, and a healthy little nugget on the way.

Incredibly blessed this spring season.