12 Weeks: Only the Beginning

Twelve weeks is such a pivotal baby landmark in my mind.

Lyla turning 12 weeks old stands out vividly, as it brings up a heap of emotions. It was that moment when I walked into her room and suddenly realized I no longer had a newborn. She had graduated from newbie to baby overnight.

The fourth trimester, as difficult as it was, was over in an instant.

That, and my maternity leave of course.

Oh to go back and read my thoughts from my last day of maternity leave two years ago. What a painful moment in time.

And now I'm experiencing some of those same emotions with Adaline. How is it that we brought our sweet baby girl into the world 12 weeks ago already?

Time is cruel and has a heart of ice.

However. This time around, I'm no longer looking at it as saying goodbye to my most-favorite-of-all-time newborn phase. Instead, I'm excited to be welcoming the next phase. The babbling, the endless smiles, and the eagerness to soak in the world. Oh the joy that comes with entering each phase!

The past twelve weeks have been some of the most high-quality, beautiful, and heart-expanding of my life.

And like that precious time with Lyla, my sweet "maternity leave" with Adaline is now complete. It is time to move onto the next phase. And I am ready. I welcome it with open arms, lots of excitement-nerves, and plenty of coffee to compensate for the late nights. {and now an annoying cold, that I somehow managed to avoid until this point}.

But I am abundantly thankful. Because this time, as I say goodbye to maternity leave, I do not have to say goodbye to my babies. I get to be home with them. And live up and savor these years that pass too quickly.

So dear friends, here I am... entering the realm of entrepreneurship. That's right, I'm a mamapreneur.

I am fast and furiously working away to prepare for the launch of a new resource for our community: Wichita Moms Blog!

I am incredibly excited to be part of a larger network and bring this resource to Wichita. I'm currently in the process of taking in all the information I can, while figuring out behind-the-scenes technology stuff {where I am horribly illiterate}, while networking, while building my site, while searching for other mamas to contribute as writers for the blog. 

It's a smidgen overwhelming, but also THRILLING.

I look forward to seeing where this journey takes me, and my hope is that I'm still able to find time to hang out in this little corner of the internet to document life and post plenty of pictures of my babes. For me. For my girls. 

- - - - - -

So, Miss Adaline Mae. Happy twelve weeks, my darling. Although I'm a bit sad this chapter of ours is coming to an end, there are no tears this time. Because I still get to pursue dreams and show you what it's like to work hard for those dreams, all with you swaddled right next to me. 

Permanent Maternity Leave

It's finally starting to sink in.
At least a little.

At this moment in time, I am on permanent maternity leave.
I'm *gasp* a stay-at-home-mom.

I can't say this was ever in our plan. It's never even been a dream really. That is until Lyla was born just over two years ago, and I went back to teaching for a year. Priorities started shifting away, and I got sadder and sadder deep within my gut. And that sadness never subsided for me like it does for many other moms. So, I made some life changes, got an ideal new job, found more balance, and was happier than I'd ever been.

But now that we're expecting our second, and after a lot Saturday morning coffee talks, one too many morning-rush-blurs, the inability to take care of my own kid when she's sick, a super-jazzed-up excel spreadsheet of our budget, and the realization that working for me simply meant paying for daycare for two kiddos, we came to the conclusion that it would be best for me to stay home.

And I couldn't be more excited...or thankful.

I have no idea what this new gig will look like. It's quite difficult to imagine, really. And I don't exactly know how long of a gig it may be. I tend to get antsy easily. I like being productive. I like being social. I like using my brain. And, if we're completely honest, I like not having to check our bank account every 15 minutes to make sure I haven't spent too much at Baby Gap. That being said, however, I love being a mom. Every ounce of my being wants to be there for my kids, put more than half of myself into their lives, and stop going through life at such a rapid speed that I blink and suddenly have two teenagers arguing over the car. And although I do have an idea or two up my sleeve to help me with my desires to stay with-it and be a productive member of society (and hopefully bring in some extra income too), I am reminding myself that this time goes by in a flash. And I want to soak up every moment with my babies. Just enjoy. Just be. 

However, things started off a bit rough my first week on the new job. My hope was to have a good, solid week with Lyla. A few days for just the two of us before baby arrives. To make up for lost time, busy schedules, and future time that will be spent with a newborn. But my first day into my new gig, I was just sure I was going into labor as I woke in the middle of the night with stomach-flu-like symptoms. Same exact thing happened the day I went into labor with Lyla. All I could think was "I'M NOT READY. THE NURSERY ISN'T READY. MY HOSPITAL BAG ISN'T READY."

Well. Instead of me going into labor, my "stomach-flu-like symptoms" turned out to be the actual stomach bug. I was pretty miserable (and pretty 9 months pregnant) with a toddler at home who needed me. Because she, of course, came down with the bug too. Luckily, hers only lasted 24 hours. But in those 24 hours, I washed sheets a total of 6 times. And I lost a total of 4 pounds between last week's OB appointment and yesterday's. Where I found out I am indeed progressing, and it really could be anytime that baby makes his or her debut.

Could be in 2 weeks. Could be tonight. {And because I'm admittedly neurotic, I went back to look at my blogpost from a few days before Ly was born. Turns out, I am exactly at the same spot I was four days before I went into labor with her.}

Ugh. The anticipation. And I still don't think I'm quite ready. {insert nervous emoticon face}

And just as we're finally getting into the swing of things as we wait for "baby sister" (according to Lyla) to arrive. We've gone to story time at the library, she started "school" one day a week, and this mama has been hyper-productive. I've crossed things off my list that have been sitting there collecting dust for a good 6 months. And Gabe and I even went on our first date in, oh, probably 6 or 7 months, to celebrate my birthday. I had the best shrimp and scallop fettuccine alfredo and banana caramel bread pudding. And it was worth every minute spent in misery with a horrible tummy ache.

And oh my goodness the mood shift in this house. Everyone is more relaxed. And all around happier. Especially Lyla. It's amazing at how much of a buzzkill I was at the end of each day after work. Now, I have more energy and time for Ly, and she is just happier. Of course our blissful, dream-like state is about to come to a crashing halt any day once we bring home a crying newborn and jump back into a life of lack-of-sleep-induced comas. Believe me, I'm aware.

And in fact, because this baby loves squeezing the heck out of my bladder, I'm up all hours of the night. And every time I wake, I'm thankful I haven't yet gone into labor because I get one more day with Miss Beans. As excited as I am to meet our new babe, I do get a little misty thinking about how the dynamics of our family are going to change. I remember feeling the same way when it was just Gabe and I anxiously waiting for Lyla to be born.  Of course that sadness went away and was immediately replaced by the most incomprehensible joy we'd ever felt the moment Ly entered the world. And I'm sure that will happen again with new baby's arrival. But it's still bittersweet.

But while we wait, we will continue to utilize every moment of our weekends together as a family of three. And during the week, I am soaking up this girl time - just the two of us. Ly is at the cutest age, and I truly wish I could bottle up her two-year-oldness forever.

I melt over so many things... // When she pulls up my shirt and gives "kisses to baby sister" at random. // Or when she's playing for hours at a time sporadically stops what she's doing to look up and say "hi mom" as a little reminder she's still in the room and needs a moment of attention. // Talking on the phone to her and hearing her say "hi mama. I love you." or "happy birthday mama" in the sweetest little voice I've ever heard in my life. // Her warnings to "be careful" when I'm cooking over a hot stove or if I trip over something. // Her wanting to be a little adult by carrying around her purse and phone everywhere she goes or "putting on makeup" while I get ready. (No. I do not let her put on makeup. I give her my makeup brush and she goes to town). // How she tells any guest who leaves "see ya alligator". // Or when I had her test out the pouf in the corner of the baby room. She sadly walked over and said "Lyla in timeout." Bless her sweet little heart - I nearly cried. //

I would love to have a two year old for the rest of my life. It's just the best. And I'm so grateful I get this one on one time with her before babe.

So far, I sure am loving this new life. And I am unguilt-ily going to go enjoy every last sip of my homemade pumpkin spice coffee, finish up some projects in the baby room, and savor these quiet moments during nap time. Because these days are fleeting and going to abruptly come to an end very soon.

And call me crazy, but I couldn't be more excited for the chaos that is to ensue.

Bring on our family of four.

Our Day: Working Mom Update

At this exact moment in time, I have an ideal mom-of-an-only-toddler work situation.

Of course there are moments when I wonder what it would be like to stay home, when I wonder if I should stay home. Time is just so precious and moving at a blink-and-you'll-miss-it pace.

But those thoughts are not a place I stay for too long.

The thing is, I am incredibly blessed with my job. Aside from the frantic before-dawn rush that is our mornings and the fact that I'd really like more time together in the evenings, our routine is a well-oiled machine. I have a great boss and co-workers, I get to run errands during my lunch break {sans toddler}, and the moment I leave work, I don't think about it again until I walk in the next morning.

Oh. And I get Friday's off.

Last year, I remember thinking, on what seemed like an hourly basis, if only I could just have Fridays off. two day weekends are simply not enough. Saturdays and Sundays were days spent cleaning, grocery shopping, errand-running and preparing for the next work week. If only I had one more day in the week...

And I was right.  It is incredible how one extra day is the most generous game changer. Sure, sometimes I get a bit greedy and wish for just one more day, until I realize how blessed I am for my Fridays off.

Admittedly, I wasn't quite sure how to adjust at first. Not that I had no idea what on earth to do with all of this extra time, it's just that I suddenly had the time to realize how much I had let slide. How much there is actually to do to maintain the home. I had neglected our little home for so long. So, I spent every Friday racing to clean the house, run multiple errands with Lyla in tow, cross off my multitude of to-do's, and meal plan for the next week.

That didn't last long.

My sweet husband reminded me why I took my job in the first place - to be able to focus more on my family, not on all that has to be done.

So, I made a promise to myself. That Friday will always be our day. A day just for Lyla and me. A day where I get to be a stay at home mom. Where we go to mommy and me classes, have playdates, grab lunch with friends, explore, learn and have fun. And then there's the much-anticipated nap time. Because nap time, my friends = Mommy time. I get to read, blog, have phone dates with out of town friends, and sometimes I get a little crazy and try a Pinterest project. Life on the edge, I tell you.

There's only one rule for Fridays. And it's not allowed to be broken.
No work allowed.

It sure is the little things that actually turn out to be monumentally huge things.
I can't think of one thing, not even one, that is better than Fridays.
Except maybe Saturdays and Sundays.

When Dad gets to join in on the fun.

Happy Valentine's Day. Love, the Slackers.

I could never be a "lifestyle" blogger.

The main reason being that style and I are not really synonymous.
But also because I am never really holiday-ready until the week, or sometimes even the day of.

Take Valentine's Day, for example. While most bloggers began crafting and planning cute pink and red outfits at 12:01 a.m. on December 26th, I find myself scurrying around at the last minute feeling like a Valentine Grinch.

Even though I love the idea of baking and making for holidays {especially ones that require so much cute...like little pink hearts}, I am often a procrastinator. And I'm not really sure why. I like to think it's because I'm busy with life. At least that was my reason last year as I was simply trying to survive as a new working mom. Or perhaps I'm just not creative. At least not as creative as my perfectionist mind needs me to be. But most of the time, I'm really just trying to enjoy the moment I'm in, not where I'm going to be months from that point.

I battle with this counterintuitive mindset because in most areas of my life, I'm a neurotic planner. But it stresses me out to think about Lyla's birthday party theme or next year's Halloween costumes when it's not even spring yet.

I want to enjoy February 14th first.

I actually read an interesting article about "Mindfulness" in Time Magazine. Long story short, it's about taking the time to fully be present in the moment you are in, rather than multitasking 20 things at a time. Which is what I, and most other Americans, do all day everyday. Mindfulness helps us to focus on one thing at a time and is practiced in things like yoga and cognitive behavioral therapy {a technique many counselors and therapists use today to help with anxiety}.

Or maybe that's just my intellectual-sounding way to really procrastinate.

Either way, this year, I really do have a good excuse. To not be on my Valentine-ready supermom A-Game. Our house was recently hit by the sinus monster-plague. We were down and out for two weeks. So all of my felt-garland crafting and homemade Valentine-making plans went by the wayside. {I sure could have used a snow day *or two* last week to make up for lost time.}

But once we all started feeling human again, I suddenly felt the pink and red spirit! Last-minute or not, I wasn't about to say bah-humbug to some memory-making with my mini Valentine.

So it may have been by-the-skin-of-our teeth, but we've already had quite the fun in preparation for Valentine's Day. And I must say, I'm a bit smitten by little cutie-pie Valentine this year.

Oh. And can we talk about the preparation involved in finding the perfect holiday bow?!?! Or, I guess in my case, finding 10 perfect bows and forgetting about them in my Etsy cart. I usually remember about my stocked cart 5 minutes after the "cut off time". So then we settle on something we already have. The travesty!

However, this year, I planned ahead. But of course just as I went to push "Submit Order", I chickened out. I've had some major *major* issues with USPS and a couple of vendors on Etsy lately. In fact, Lyla's special Christmas bows did not get to me until Christmas Eve. And I ordered them at the beginning of November.

So for Valentine's Day, I decided to take matters into my own hands. And I made a couple of bows during nap time one day. You guys. They took about 4 minutes...combined. I may be no DIY-er, but I sure can glue and cut like nobody's business. Plus I'm always trying to find ways to use some of my bajillion leftover crafty things from teaching.

I was pretty happy with the way they turned out!

This was taken about 6 seconds before Lyla ripped the bow out of her hair, and Samson used it as a chew toy. 

And then we had some "fun" with painting. I decided to use Lyla's masterpiece to make Valentines for her daycare pals. *And one extra for Daddy, of course*. 

 Yes. My 17 month old is wearing my softball team t-shirt from 4 years ago.

 Dad decided to paint their faces to try to make Lyla laugh. In case you hadn't already guessed, it didn't work. 

Needless to say, Lyla was pretty proud of her work.

Lyla and I will be enjoying music class, a sweet little Valentine's party, and a nice, long nap.  Then the evening will commence with a toddler who goes to bed at 7:00 followed by the hubs making me a classic Italian seafood dish we were first introduced to when we lived in RI. 

Now, that's amore. 

The Little Things {like sick days}

It has taken two full weeks of doctor visits, antibiotics, and nose-sucking, but Lyla is finally on the mend. Hooray!

It's the little things that sure make this ride of motherhood so delightful. Take sick days for example. Having a sick little may mean lots of tears, but those tears are quickly followed by extra needy snuggles. It also means being unable to clean, cook, or do anything really without your toddler begging to be held.  But oh my, the snuggles.

We're lucky in that this was really the first time since Lyla's been born where she's been pretty sick. Of course the downside is that when it takes this long to get sick, the monster infection decides to make up for lost time and refuses to leave or even subside for two full weeks. 

Day two of monster infection. Poor baby!

And although it's nowhere near the struggle I felt last year, I can't help but feel extreme mommy guilt when my baby is sick. Of course I am very happy and feel balanced most of the time with our daily routine, but there are some days when I think I'm missing out and should be staying home. Especially when my baby bursts into tears when I drop her off at daycare and cries "mama" over and over. 

Ugh. The never-ending internal battle as a working mama. 

Anyway, I was able to take one day off and utilized every moment of the weekends to give lots of extra love, attention, and cuddles to my little muffin. And although we had to skip music class and play dates, we were able to spend a lot of one-on-one time together. Just me and my mini. 

There's no doubt about it, having a sick child makes you pull out your cape and turn into Super Mom. Doesn't matter if your baby is 2 weeks old or 20 years old. No one but mom can make sickness feel better. Mom is just what the doctor ordered. 

And minus the whole being sick part,  I've come to the conclusion that sick days are the best days. They're downright fulfilling for the heart and soul. There's just something heart-enhancing about the unexpected reminder that your normally-independent toddler really just needs her mama. The last time we had a sick day was last year. Always a "good" time. 

We had two visits to the doctor - gotta follow that mommy instinct that things are not okay! Found out we had our first ear and sinus infection. 

But of course the extra cuddles with the fur-babes perked us right up. Almost as good of a remedy as chicken noodle soup.

Got out of the house for the first time in three days to stock up on saline and Pedialite. Oh, and finally caved and bought one of those nose frida nasal aspirator things. You.guys. I swore, swore, swore I would never buy one of those gross things. But friends, it is the best invention ever made. Ever. Promise the snot goes nowhere near your mouth. My only regret is waiting until Lyla was super duper sick.

 She wanted to give high-fives to everyone we passed.

Broke all kinds of rules, like eating in Mom and Dad's bed and watching movies for 4 hours straight.  For multiple days in a row.

And of course soaked up hours and hours of snuggles.

Oh my goodness. 

Is there anything better?

I can't possibly even begin to imagine. 

Except maybe, when the snuggles start to pay off. And your kiddo smiles for the first time in over a week. 

Now that. That's better.