Thursday, June 18, 2009

This stuff only happens to me

First of all, I want to thank EVERYONE for the sweet anniversary wishes...AND for wishing me better. I really appreciate all the love! :)

And I'm so happy to say that I am feeling so much better. My second ZPack is kicking right in! Oh, and aside from the fact that I was SOOO sick and went to bed at 8:00, Mr. Ruby and I managed to have a sweet little anniversary. I typed up 50 of my favorite memories from the past three years, and he wrote me the SWEETEST poem from the past 3 years of marriage. Gotta love it. 

So, I absolutely must share my awkward moment of the day. WARNING:(mostly to my dear father-in-law) There will be talk of woman body parts.

So...I mentioned a couple weeks ago that I had to go to the cardiologist because I had an abnormal EKG. So, I had my appointment today and brought work out clothes because I was told I was going to do an exercise test on top of some echo-cardio-gram-something-or-other.

Well, when my first test was complete, the nurse told me to get ready for my exercise stress test. I asked her if I should put on my work out clothes and tennis shoes. She started laughing and asked "Are you a southern girl?" I looked at her funny and said, "Well, I'm from Kansas...why?" She said..."Well, the fact that you used the word 'tennis shoes' gave it away." 

Am I the only crazy who doesn't say "sneakers"?

Well, I digress.

So, the nurse told me just to put shorts and sneakers on, but to remain naked on top. 

I immediately felt myself turning red. Anything involving naked or exposed breasts makes me feel silly. (Yes, I'm like 15 years old still).

She said, "Oh darling, you'll get to wear a Johnny."

Hmm. O....k.... 

So, I put on my shorts and "sneakers" and my "Johnny" (a.k.a. hospital gown). 

I walk into the room without one single ounce of pride as this very nice woman asks me to open my gown. I do. 

I'm standing there with everything hanging out as she proceeds to put fresh-out-of-the-freezer goo and patches all over my torso...all while talking to me about her son who also has a sinus infection and potentially the swine flu.  

She then tells me to get on the treadmill and explains that I will be starting out slowly and then increasing speed gradually.

I looked at her and asked, "So...I'm going to work out without a bra?" (Keep in mind, I normally work out with TWO sports bras).

Not only did I have to do this without a bra, but I was in a hospital gown...with the front open. (Although, she did try to assist my pride by closing the gown as much as possible).

Sigh. 

I got on. The treadmill started. It was pretty slow and at a small incline.

One minute later, it sped up. And inclined more.

One minute later, same thing.

Oh dear. At this point...I was feeling some pretty heavy bounce. 

I think I even laughed out loud thinking of the sight I must be. 

After 10 (yes 10) minutes, I was full-on running at a pretty steep incline. I wheezed/yelped out, "Oh my gosh, how much longer?" 

She said my heart rate still needed to increase quite a bit. 

I think I shed a slight tear. By this point, my girls were literally running a marathon of their own AND it felt like the gown was sandpaper rubbing against my nips. 

After 13 painful minutes, the heart monitor thingy swung off my finger due to the sweat, but I luckily reached the goal heart rate. She asked if I wanted to keep going and I yelled "NO"!

I got off the treadmill and sprinted to my clothes...and I've never been so happy to see my bra.

17 comments:

The Northerner said...

What a terrible experience! I can't imagine not wearing a bra while running. But, it does make for a funny story. Hope your results are positive!

d.a.r. said...

Oh my goodness that sounds so awful!! I don't have boobs so I can't really comprehend your whole experience, but it sure doesn't sound pleasant.

And it is definitely tennis shoes, not sneakers. And what the heck is a johnny!?? I thought those were gowns!

Elizabeth said...

I'm so glad that you shared that story. That seems to have been quite the experience...

Shoshanah said...

That does not sounds like the best experience, but at least its over.

I would normally just saying running shoes. But I would use tennis shoes far before saying sneakers

Good Gals Inc said...

I would DIE if I had to work out without a bra on! You poor thing!!!! (I'm from the south and I always call them tennis shoes...)

Crazy Shenanigans said...

I have the smallest boobs known to man but I'm sure that was horrible. I can't even imagine having to run with an open gown!!!

My name is Megan... said...

how my goodness!!! how terrible! I would be so miserable!!

I hope everything is okay!!

Jackie said...

Oh my goodness...poor you! What an intense doctor's appointment! I'm glad you're able to smile about it now!

p.s I'm not from the South but totally call them tennis shoes. Sneakers sound silly to me =)

Lucky in Love said...

Okay...who says sneakers?? Tennis shoes is what normal people say...

And I cannot believe they made you run without a bra. That seems completely silly and unnecessary. I'm so sorry you had to do that!! I think I would've been holding mine up while I ran :)

LauraAnn said...

I cannot believe that they made you run topless well you did have the hospital gown but that totally does not count! I had the same tests ran a couple years ago and I was totally allowed to wear my sports bra while I did the stress test! I think I would have been mortified if I had not been able to wear my sports bra because I am like you....I usually wear two sports bras to contain the girls. At least it is over! Hopefully all test results come back great!

And I am from the midwest and I refer to them as tennis shoes!

Miss Adventure said...

This post made me shudder because I can only imagine what that must have been like. I HATE any sort of exam where people have to look at my "lady parts". Call me childish, but I request a female doctor and will NOT see a male doctor.
As for the shoes- totally tennis shoes, not sneakers- and this is coming from a California girl.

thefulmerazzi said...

HAHAH! Only you, sis. Only you.

"M" said...

I'm sorry...I don't mean to be laughing but that was a funny story!! :-)

Lauren said...

too funny!!! I miss you guys! Happy Anniversary! i can't believe 3 years ago i had my hair in a bee-hive :) just for you two though :)

i'm serious about labor day. call me next week so we can discuss details!! love you!

Mary Michal said...

Wow! I don't know how you did it. Running without a bra really hurts. And I can't even begin to imagine how badly it hurt when the rough hospital gown started rubbing. Ouch!

Anonymous said...

WOW!!!


Great story, and thank you for sharing it. I hope that everything is ok.

Tennis shoes is the way to say it, but occasionally I say sneakers.... "got my vans on but they look like sneakers"

Miss you both. -ZAC

my mid mid-life crisis said...

I totally call them tennis shoes and not sneakers! YAY for someone who knows what they are! :)

Hope everything turns out okay with your heart!