Week 13: A new kind of weekly update

Week 13: 11/11/12 - 11/17/12

Hi. My name is Angela.
And I'm a working mom.

There.

I said it.

I've been back at work for 2 weeks now.
Well, a week and a half if you want to get all technical.
With Thanksgiving and all.

I feel that I can do this post now that I've gotten my crazy out.
I mean.
I swear it's like the psycho fairy took over my body.

My first two days back at work were pure torture.

For the obvious reason that I missed my baby girl so much.
But mostly because I felt like I was starting over.

Learning a new job.
Remediating behaviors.
Implementing new routines...because there were none.
Completely reorganizing my disaster of a classroom.
Sorting through months of paperwork.
Catching up on common core standards.
Figuring out how to pump in my classroom when there is no time.
Getting into the routine of laundering diapers, washing bottles, freezing milk, packing a lunch, packing a baby bag, and somehow getting dinner on the table every night.

My first day back was one of the worst days I've had in as long as I can remember.
And it surprisingly wasn't for the fact that I missed Lyla so much.
The opposite in fact.
I was so busy, I didn't even think about her one single time.
I even forgot to eat lunch that day.
And I peed once in eight hours.
ONCE.

The moment I got in my car I started sobbing.
What kind of mother goes the entire day without thinking of her baby?
A really busy one, that's who.
I cried the entire way to my in-laws.

When I arrived, all I wanted to do was snuggle my baby and get home.
But the already worst-day-ever-saga continued.

My sweet mother in law had some news for me.

The frozen milk I gave her to feed Lyla was...sour.
I burst into tears again.
What did she mean sour?
We taste-tested (Yep. We're that close.) a couple more frozen bags.

Sure enough.
Sour.
And disgusting.

I panicked.
Was all of my milk sour?
How did this happen?
How was I going to feed my baby?
Was all my hard work of stocking up milk for nothing?

I wasn't prepared to give up breastfeeding so soon.
It's one of the things I have left to keep our strong little bond.

I called the pediatrician.
Waited over an hour.
Panicked some more.
Left messages with the local La Leche League.
Called back 3 more times.
Finally got ahold of a lactation consultant.

Long story short,
I have a rare case of producing an excess of lipase.
Lipase is an enzyme in human milk that breaks down fat, and an excess of this enzyme causes milk fat to decompose shortly after the milk has been expressed. Thus causing pumped milk to sour. Yuck!

Luckily, after talking to the lactation consultant for over an hour (and then the pediatrician just to confirm), there is absolutely nothing wrong with this expressed milk.
In other words, it can't harm baby at all.
It does however taste disgusting, and most babies refuse it.
Chunkin, however?
She guzzles it down.
Loves the stuff.
Go figure.

So. As long as she keeps taking it, I can keep pumping it.
So we can happily continue our morning and night time feedings together.

Thank the Lord.

Needless to say, every day after that got a little bit better.

Still miss her like crazy all day.
But I'm getting into a routine.
And it I am so thankful she's at GiGi's.
Makes it all a teensy bit better.

Plus, Fridays are better than EVER.
I do not put her down all weekend long.

Makes you really cherish the weekends.

Week 13 was a tough one.
But hoping things continue to get better.