I feel it in my core.
All warm and cozy-like.
A ray of sunshine simply begging to burst through.
I'm sorry to be so obnoxious.
But.
I just feel so different lately.
I can't hold it in.
I think it's a combination of things.
I'm no longer confined to my baby and her need to feed all.day.long.
{Or better yet, no longer confined to my arch nemesis: the pump.}
Which means I'm not an unpredictable mess of hormones.
{Like an angst-ridden teen who is on the verge of an emotional breakdown.}
And I am no longer *consumed* by my job.
{Or consumed by my desire to be the best at...everything.}
I feel free.
My brain is free.
And I can finally be present.
I can put my thoughts, love, energy, time, and efforts into what I want.
My family.
My friendships.
Me.
All of which were neglected for so long.
And then it all hit me last week.
Just the polarity of my current situation in comparison to last year.
The difference is unreal.
Between me last May.
And me now.
Here's how things are looking around here these days.
1). I have a *real* lunch break.
You.guys.
This is an absolute life-changer.
To have a small break in my day.
And to do whatever-the-heck-I-want.
Relax. Instagram. Go home. Run errands. Go to Baby Gap on 10% Tuesdays.
I used to have to save all of my errand-running for Saturdays and Sundays. Which made my blood boil because of the errand-catch-up-frenzy every other American participates in on weekends. Now, I have a lunch break where I can run my errands.
And guess what else? Sometimes things get super exciting, and I meet up with my honey-pies for lunch.
(This has actually only happened once. But hoping to do it again soon!)
Quite the change from speed-peeing, responding to parent e-mails, planning, grading, and scarfing down a sandwich all in the span of 15 minutes.
2). I exercise.
*Walks count in my book.*
This is just embarrassing.
But.
Until last week, I hadn't worked out in one full year.
The last time I actually worked out was the day I went in to labor.
I went from working out every.single.day. of my pregnancy.
To not even once.
Lyla's entire first year of life.
I simply could not muster up the energy.
Let alone the desire.
But now I'm finally able to focus on things that are important to me.
So last week, I decided to get back in the saddle.
And, I turned to ol' faithful Jillian's Banish Fat, Boost Metabolism.
Um.
I made it 11 minutes into the DVD.
And by "made it", I mean that I took at least 5 "water-breaks" in those 11 minutes, and my entire body wouldn't stop shaking.
And I was sore the next day.
Slowly easing in, people.
3). I'm basically a chef.
Let's be honest on this one.
Even though I've switched gears in careers doesn't mean that I have a ton of free time.
In fact, sometimes, I feel even busier.
{It's just that now I'm busy with things I want to be busy with}.
So, there isn't a ton of time for a lot of creativity.
Or planning.
Or shopping.
Or a lot of ingredients I can't pronounce.
Ain't nobody got time for that.
But I have been easing back into cooking meals.
*Even if they're in the crockpot.*
However, we are eating meals again.
Something this family didn't see for an entire year.
4). I no longer fall apart at the seams.
Hurray.
No more walking on eggshells around me.
The smallest *most ridiculous* things used to make me break down into 1 billion tiny pieces.
Like the time I bought a shirt at Old Navy.
And tried it on when I got home.
Only to find it didn't fit.
Which subsequently meant I had to take it back.
I sobbed uncontrollably on the phone with my mother-in-law.
True story.
I think I just had so much on my plate that even the smallest deviation in my day seemed to slam me against the wall.
Now.
Things seem to roll off my shoulders.
Like the other day.
I was running late to work.
I spilled my water all over my lap.
And then, the contents of my purse spilled out and rolled under my car.
I had about 8 lip glosses to track down.
But, I didn't even flinch.
Just picked up my things.
Got in my car.
And made it to work just a few minutes late.
I had to call Gabe just to tell him about my reaction.
Last year, I probably would have had to be admitted to the hospital.
5). I enjoy the dailies.
I did not stop and smell the roses last year.
Enjoying daily life is something that just did not happen.
From the moment my alarm went off, I was on edge.
All.the.time.
Constantly on the move.
Always thinking.
Never relaxing.
Definitely no time for small everyday happies.
Now?
Oh my goodness.
I love my morning shower.
Spending time talking with and thanking the Lord.
I love my bed.
I love my drive to pick up Lyla.
Gives me time to wind down.
I love lemon in my water.
I love the weekends.
Something I used to spend preparing for and dreading Monday.
I love home lunch dates with Gabe.
Something we try to do regularly.
I love my weekend coffee talks with Gabe.
This is something I've always loved.
{But now, our coffee talks aren't consumed with how to deal with my unhappiness.}
I love me time.
Recently got myself a pedi with mama - sans baby.
Loved every second.
I love doing absolutely nothing.
That's when I enjoy my family most.
Needless to say.
I'm a bit happier these days.
No longer does everything seem like another task on the to-do list.
Maya Angelou said it best.
If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.
In my case, I needed a little bit of both.
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