To post, or not to post...

I have thought. And stewed. And brewed. And felt sad. And mad. Then guilty for feeling sad and mad.

So, I must post. To vent. I am not looking for comments. I truly just have to get this off my chest.

I don't like to post negative things on le blog. Who wants to look back at that? But this is real life. And sometimes, you just gotta be real.

Now. It takes a LOT for me to get offended. I may be sensitive, but you really have to get pretty personal to offend me.

But I have been deeply offended. And hurt. By others who will never know they upset me...and it was never their intention. They do not read this blog. 

And I have also sat and reflected and thought how I at times have made the same mistakes they did...and it makes me cringe to think that I may have hurt others by my words (even if unintentional) at one point or another.

I am VERY big on accepting others' differences. At least I really, really try. I don't like to push my views or beliefs on others. I REALLY try not to judge others' lifestyles/views/decisions/how to raise children/etc., but of course I do at times. We all do. It's something I must work on.

So what is all this about? 

The very personal decision I made to have a natural childbirth.

Now. I had made several references throughout my pregnancy that I was planning to have a natural childbirth. But I also explained that I did not like to share this decision with others for two reasons:

1). Because I got SO many unwanted opinions: "No drugs? HA!"(accompanied with a smirk that said, "yeah right".), "Oh honey, you'll get the epidural. Trust me", or "Don't be a martyr, Angela".

2). Because I did not want anyone to feel as though I thought OTHERS should have a natural childbirth as well. Again, this was a personal decision. For personal reasons. I in NO way look at other births and think mine was "better" because of my decision. Period. Every labor and delivery is completely different. And every labor and delivery has the same end result - a little miracle!

But I must say. Now that I've actually gone through the extreme emotional, mental, and physical intensity that comes with the decision for a natural birth, I am proud. And I SHOULD be proud.

Does this mean I go around updating my FB status or telling everyone who meets Lyla that, "HEY GUESS WHAT? I HAD A NATURAL CHILDBIRTH. NANNY NANNY BOO-BOO."

No. That's silly.

But if someone asks, I'll tell them. Proudly.

It was not easy. At all. I did not have an easy labor by any means. In fact, it was textbook average: 20 hours total, 13 hours of medically defined "active" or "hard" labor. So, when others find out I had a natural labor (not even from me), and their response is, "Yeah. Well her labor was short and easy" - that COMPLETELY undermines the hard work I put into it.  Or when someone's response is, "Well, her baby was only 7.7 lbs...", it cheapens the extreme amount of work I put into my decision.

It says that I was lucky.

Yes. Labor could have been far worse. And I realize that sometimes, interventions are required to protect mom and baby (or simply to make us more comfortable, which is important too!). And I realize bad things happen - unavoidable things. But, I worked HARD to prepare. I worked even harder and learned exactly what I could do to try to avoid any interventions. I worked hard prior to labor to actually have an easier labor. 

• We took a 3-month Bradley Method course with homework every night. (90% of Bradley couples go through with a natural birth - even those with big babies, who have had C-Sections before, have a posterior baby, extra long labors, etc.)
• We practiced positions, did mental and emotional exercises as a couple, and read, read, READ about natural childbirth. 
• I tracked every single thing that I ate - I had to eat 100 grams of protein a day and a specific amount of greens, vitamin C, dairy, etc. 
• I worked out every.single.day. Even the day I went into labor!
• We practiced relaxation techniques to help prepare for the intensity of labor. This is DEFINITELY what helped. And this is a very learned technique. 

So. Let's just say you accomplished something you were very proud of. Something you worked VERY hard for. A marathon. A job promotion. Your first house. Something you worked for, trained for, put in effort for. 

And then I went and said, "Well easy for you because: you were born a runner/the boss favors you/you got lucky with your interest rate". Instead of realizing that you WORKED to reach that accomplishment. 

So. I did not just get lucky. I worked really, really hard throughout pregnancy and during labor to reach my goal. And, my body has bounced back AMAZINGLY. Not because i have good genes (well...maybe a little to do with genes), but because I worked my BUNS off. (Not to mention, I avoided McDonalds and Taco Bell, even when I wanted it.)

Phew. Ok. I feel better now. I really just needed to vent. Because I was nervous that if one more person made a snide comment, I might absolutely snap. And they wouldn't know where my crazy came from. 

Plus, this helps remind ME not to be so critical of others...simply to make myself feel better.  

Mmmk. Rant complete. Let's end this on a positive note. 

Breakfast on the patio with my FAVORITES:

P.S. Promise, promise this is not directed at readers at all! You all have been so encouraging, supportive, and really big SWEETHEARTS all around. Thank you SO much!!!! :)