Who am I?

I don't get it.

I grew up dancing in front of multitudes of people at dance recitals and sporting events.

At my previous job, I used to give major presentations to big groups of important people. (One time even the CEO and Executive VP were present).

I am VERY outgoing. I can walk into a room full of people and confidently walk up and introduce myself to every person I don't know.

This is why I do NOT understand why some situations make me suddenly clam up, flip the awkward switch on, and cause my face to turn the color of a maraschino cherry.

I'm still trying to pin-point the types of situations that cause me to turn into Bashful of the Seven Dwarfs. I think it's situations that I am not prepared for, do not initiate, or draw attention to me unknowingly.

For example, in college, I never ever raised my hand to ask questions or to provide answers. My classes were massive in size, and I had trouble paying attention. But in some of my smaller classes, a professor would call on me and I would literally sink in my chair, cover my face with my hair, and stutter out an unconscious answer. Why?

Or if I walk into a speech/conference/seminar late and everyone stares...or if my cell phone goes off at an inappropriate time...

And it doesn't help that I think God painted an invisible bullseye right across my head because if there is a mortifying moment waiting to happen, it will find me.

What is the cause for all this reflection?

Well, yesterday at the after school program I work at, two of the kiddos were picked up by their uncle. These kids have told me before that their uncle thinks I'm "pretty". Because I get very awkward and modest in those type of situations...I always try to avoid their uncle when he picks them up. (Professional, I know.) So yesterday, they were picked up by Uncle and as they were leaving...in front of about 50 other kids, two other adults, and Uncle...one of the kids yells, "HEY, my uncle thinks your hot!!!"

I wanted to die.

Literally right there. I wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out.

I felt my face heat up so quickly, I couldn't even try to stifle it. I started sweating. I felt dizzy.

I mustered out a shy giggle, turned around, and walked into another room.

Umm. Am I in middle school?

Seriously, why is it that some situations make me painfully embarrassed?

I don't get it.