Thoughts at 35(ish) Weeks

So here I am. Nearing the end of my pregnancy. Obeying strict orders from my husband to put my feet up after working all day. Trying to nurse my right cankle back to its original state. While I longingly watch as he sips on a glass of red wine.

It's nights like this where I'm just so ready for pregnancy to be over. Where I feel so limited in what I can do because of {take your pick at just about any pregnancy side effect: high blood sugar, fatigue, swelling, or nausea.} Let's just say, I'm not the kind of girl who handles limitations well. I want to do-do-do. All the time. Especially when there is so much left to do-do-do before baby arrives.

But of course, I snap out of it. And I'm often gently humbled. Because I am so thankful, so grateful that I am able to carry and grow a little human. Even if it takes a nasty case of cankle-itis to achieve. And as much as I am desperately looking forward to being done with the sciatic nerve pains and late night heart burn, I still want to remember it all. You know, remember the battle wounds and thoughts I had during this pregnancy. Like...

- Just about everyone I talk to, strangers included, asks me if I'm having a boy. I usually tell them that's what I think I'm having. I'm carrying lower, the heart rate has been in the high 130's, and all I can picture is a little baby boy. Even our nursery leans a little on the masculine side. Oh, and we only have a boy name. I mean not even one girl name in the running. Because of all of these things of course, the baby is more than likely going to be a girl. Either way, we can't WAIT to meet our baby and will surprised no matter who he/she is! And not finding out the sex is so.much.fun.

- Although I definitely have good days too, overall, this pregnancy has taken its toll on me. I may have only dealt with "morning sickness" for 14 weeks this time around, (whereas with Lyla, I was sick 24/7 for 7 straight months) but I've had my fair share of infections, illnesses, and ailments that have beaten me to a pulp. I either had a cold or sinus infection every few weeks from January to July, I've had blood sugar and blood pressure issues causing me to faint, I failed my glucose test, I had a UTI, I've had pretty severe lower back pain for the past several months, my ankles swell the moment the temperature rises or I sit too long (which is all day every day at work), I've had strong and at times uncomfortable Braxton Hicks contractions off and on since 20 weeks, and I feel like a large, ridiculous walrus waddling and rolling about. Let's just say I cannot relate to my unicorn friends who love being pregnant and whose only pregnancy side effects are trying to find clothes that fit the extra 10 pounds they're carrying. ;)

- My latest doctor's appointment was the jolt we needed to send us into a we-better-get-moving-and-prepare-for-this-baby frenzy. My doc decided to check me because of my contractions and pressure I've been feeling. I'm measuring a week early and I've already started to dilate - just barely, but the process has begun. And we have a whole lot of nothing ready for this baby. No seriously, I'm not even sure where the carseat is at the moment. So this appointment was just the motivation we needed. And it's quite weird to know that I could be 35 (almost 36 weeks). I totally wasn't prepared for that. Then again, this babe could stick around like it's "supposed to" until the end of October. Not knowing is a killer for this controlling planner mama. But baby is in control here, and joke's on mom.

- There is no better word to describe this pregnancy than bittersweet. I truly cannot imagine putting my body through this again. But in the exact same breath, I can't imagine not ever doing this again. Ironic, eh? As much as I *most of the time* am ready for pregnancy to be over, I just know I will miss it and feel sad and nostalgic the moment the babe is on the outside. Funny how that works.

- There is absolutely nothing I love more than feeling this babe move. I know it's everyone's favorite part of pregnancy, but I sort of feel like I missed out on this with Lyla. No really. Of course Ly moved around and kicked, but very little. She was super quiet. In fact, when I checked into the hospital during labor, they asked me the last time I felt fetal movement. When I responded, "a week or so ago", everyone freaked out. Now I understand why. I get nervous if I go a few hours without feeling babe #2. And there's nothing I love more than feeling little legs and arms...even if they're jabbing me raw. It's still so sweet. Totally going to miss it.

- I always thought pregnancy brain was a cop-out. But oh no, my friends. It is very, very real. Lately, I've been doing the silliest of things - forgetting everyday words, not remembering how to perform the simplest of work tasks, and losing my keys on an hourly basis. But oh my word. Last week it hit a mama-needs-an-intervention level. I'm on a committee where each member is responsible for one meeting out of the year - to secretary for the meeting and bring food for the group. I've had it on my calendar for months. Well. I planned everything out over the weekend, lined up a babysitter, and had Gabe make a Sam's run for snacks while I made cupcakes for my meeting. But while baking on the Monday evening before my Tuesday meeting, I got an e-mail. I opened it, and it was from my director asking me if I was ok because it wasn't like me to miss a meeting. Yep. The meeting was on Monday, not Tuesday.

- We actually made some progress on the nursery this weekend. What in the world took so long? We had to tackle Lyla's big girl room, plan and execute her second birthday party, and begin potty training. {Yes, I made the dumb decision to try 3 Day Potty Training Boot Camp at 8 months pregnant. And although I'm now very thankful we stuck to it, I've never been so mentally and physically drained. A whole other blog post in and of itself). Now that all of those things are finished, we are finally starting and even making some progress on babe #2's room. I even had a couple of tearful, intimate moments sitting in the rocking chair and putting the sheets on baby's bed. Baby, I love you so much already and can't wait to meet you.

- Confession. I often forget how many weeks I am, I have yet to know what "fruit" my baby is, and I have no idea at any given time what organs are forming on a given week. Oh. And I eat deli meat and drink coffee almost every day. Does that make me a bad mom? Nah. It's just completely obvious that this is my second kid. And I'm so clearly a pro that I no longer have to follow the rules.  ;)

But seriously. We're having baby soon. And I am ecstatic.

Eeek!