A Proper Send-off.

We recently said ta-ta to breastfeeding.

Sort of hard to believe.
Seeing that it was one of my full time jobs over the past year.

First we made it to the six month mark.
*yay*
Then we made it to twelve.
*double yay*
And a couple weeks after Ly's first birthday, we completely weaned.

Done-zo.

And at the risk of La Leche League showing up on my doorstep begging me to nurse Ly until kindergarten, I have to say...

I LOVE MY FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!

Phew.
That felt good.

And for the record.
I love La Leche League.
They helped me when I was on the verge of a legit nervous breakdown.
They also helped me figure out why I had sour milk.
And I love breastfeeding.
I mean, it was pretty much my sole existence for a year.

But it feels *really* good to be done.

We rocked our breastfeeding journey.
Created a super-solid mother-daughter bond that can't be explained in words.

But as nutritionally and emotionally beneficial as it was, I was quite ready for our journey to come to an end.
And to be honest, the end was not as hard as I thought it would be.
For me, anyway.

I was sure I would be emotional.
Sad to say goodbye.
Worried that we would no longer feel that indescribable bond.

However.
I wasn't too weepy.
Or sad even.
Really just ready to be done.

I can't say the same for Lyla.
Or my right boob, however.

I got myself a clogged duct in the end.
*Go figure*
And it took Ly a couple weeks to adjust.
But I made up for it with lots of extra morning snuggles.
And, I took things slowly.
Gave it a good month to completely wean.

So in light of saying goodbye, I would like to have a proper send-off.
A little bit of a roast, if you will.

There are some things I will definitely not miss.
At all.

I happily say sayonara to...

1). The attire. Ugh. Nothing about nursing attire is sexy. {Then again, I guess that would be weird if it was.} I mean, I guess we've come a long way in the maternity fashion department. But still. I felt so frumpy...so mommy in all of my nursing attire. Not to mention the lack of variety in what I could wear if I went out for the day with Ly. I can't begin to recount the number of times I would go to put on an outfit, only to realize, Crap. I can't nurse in this. And have to dig through the dirty laundry to wear the same easy-to-lift Gap tee.

2). Planning. Oh my goodness. The planning. {And this is coming from a planning extraordinaire.} There was no go-with-the-flow-let's-see-where-the-day-takes-us kind of day. Especially while working. And especially when your supply offers just enough milk for what your baby needs. My life revolved around feedings. If I was going to be out during a feeding time, I either had to plan to nurse or pump. Or if I had to miss a feeding or pump session, say due to a meeting or event, I had to make up for it somehow. Some way. Including, but not limited to: random storage closets, bathrooms, my car, and a co-worker's office.

3). The beginning. Allow me to be brutally honest here. The first month or so was not fun. Pain of all sorts. Sometimes worse than almost as bad as labor. Newborn Lyla-Beans had a hard time understanding the science of latch and suck. Who knew newborns had to learn the whole process? Not to mention the torture of uterus contractions with every nursing. Oy.

4). Awkward Moments. Maybe this was just me. And the fact that I'm superbly modest. {Aside from the whole I feel completely comfortable sharing my every thought and feeling over the interwebs with complete strangers}. But I was am simply a target for the awkward. Leaving my nursing pads and freshly pumped milk out for parents of students to see, having my boss walk in on me pumping, and talking for a good 3 minutes to a friend's dad at her wedding while unbeknownst to him I was pumping.

5). My permanent sleep position. That's right. For an entire year. I had to sleep on my left side. Because if I slept on my right side, my right boob would get clogged. I would often wake up mid-roll-to-my-right-side only to be jolted awake in fear of a clogged duct. This tactic worked. However, I still managed to get 5 or 6 clogged ducts in my breastfeeding days.

6). Raging hormones. I was typically an emotional disaster on any given day. A sob-bomb just waiting to go off. Much of that was due to trying to figure out the whole working mom thing, not loving my job the way I thought I should, and feeling like my house was a disaster all.the.time. But mostly because I was owned by nursing and the subsequent raging hormones.

7). Watching what I ate. And every other thing that went into my body. But let me clarify. I do not mean eating healthy when I say "watching what I ate". Heaven knows I ate more cookies, chocolate, and pizza than I ever have in my life when I was nursing. I simply mean I was careful not to eat spicy things. Or take allergy medicine. Or cold meds. Or drink alcohol. Ok. That last one's a lie. I may have a couple glasses of wine now and again. Don't judge. I always waited until Ly went to bed. And she sleeps 12-13 hours. Plenty of time to work it's way through. 

8). My arch nemesis. A big adios goes to my pump. I'm not one to work well with micro-managers. And my pump was a dictator.

On a more sentimental note.
Here is a true send-off.
A well-deserved goodbye.

To Breastfeeding.
It has been an amazing journey.
Something I am thankful to have been able to do.
Something I hope to do with future babes.
Something I am very proud of.
Something that created a forever bond with my sweetie.

Until we meet again dear friend...


**This post was all in good fun. I fully support, advocate, and believe in breastfeeding. Don't believe me? Just read here and here. I'm simply jabbing a little fun at something that my entire life revolved around for a year.

New Mommy Files: Breastfeeding Part II

I got lots of encouraging responses from Part I of this post.
Yay for all the super moms out there!
Breastfeeding or not.
Ya'll are my heroes.

Welcome to Part II.

Breastfeeding Part II: My Experience and Making it Work at Work

Well. Just about everything from the start of Lyla's life is a cloudy blur. All I know is that childbirth is intense, I went weeks without sleeping, life revolved around this tiny little human that completely depended on us for everything, and we had absolutely no idea what we were doing.

I'm serious, guys. No clue.

Whoever thought it was ok to release us from the safety zone of the hospital and into the wild of childrearing was crazy.

But we got through it.

Lots of trial and error. 

Lots of failing.

Lots of frustration.

And then deciding to exclusively breastfeed was no joke. 

Quite the responsibility. 

I can remember running a quick errand at the beginning and thinking, "What if something happens to me? I am the sole resource for my baby's life right now."

Scary stuff.
And pretty empowering, if you ask me. 

But let's take a closer look at the general experience.
Let's go back to the very beginning.

The Beginning: My Experience.

Luckily I had an incredible amount of support from personal cheerleaders.
My husband was and still is the most supportive person on the planet.
{He deserves an entire post}.
Both my mom and mother-in-law were very pro breastfeeding.
And many of my friends were a few steps ahead of me to show me the ropes.

I'm not sure how I would have...could have continued without the moral support.

Breastfeeding is hard.
Physically.
And mentally.

Especially when you haven't slept in weeks.
Especially when it is extremely painful.
Especially when your baby won't stop crying because she can't figure things out.

The very beginning was actually quite wonderful.
Lyla crawled right to me and began to nurse the moment the nurses laid her on my chest for the first time.
Just like we saw on the video in labor class.
I couldn't believe it!

Thank goodness my newborn knew what to do.
Because I sure didn't.

Insta-bond.
The most beautiful moment in my entire life.



Then, the second day of life.
Things got a little more challenging.

How do I keep this little gal awake to eat?
How often to I feed her?
How do I know if she's getting enough?
Is it supposed to hurt this badly?
Is it possible to die from exhaustion?

Luckily, you are in the safety zone of the hospital for a couple of days.
There are nurses.
And doctors.
And lactation consultants.

If I could go back, I would have used the lactation consultant more.
I just remember telling her that I didn't think Lyla was getting very much from my right breast.
And she had become quite partial to my left.

The LC chuckled and said, "All babies have a chocolate and a vanilla.Your right side is baby's vanilla. So you just need to start on that side to get her used to it and make her acquire a taste for vanilla!"

Then I remember having no clue when Lyla was hungry.
So I pretty much just nursed every time she cried.
In hindsight, that seems pretty ridiculous.
I'm not quite sure how I would handle someone sticking their boob in my face every time I was upset.
But it worked.
It was like calming magic.

Then, after about 2 weeks, we started to get into more of a "routine".
Well.
As routine as a newborn allows.

I started to follow more of a schedule.

But I also followed my mama instinct. 

If Miss Beans seemed hungry, I fed her.

Simple enough, right?
Heh.

Some of my super-organized friends kept things like spreadsheets.
Tracking how long baby nursed on each side.
How many poo and pee diapers baby had each day.
How long baby went in between feedings.

I think I recorded those things for about one week.
Then I forgot to jot down a couple of feedings.
And I thought Lyla went 3 days without peeing.
"Because it isn't showing on my handy-dandy app!"

Needless to say, recording every single feeding and diaper stressed me out.
As if I didn't have anything else to worry think about.
So I decided to eat the $5.00 I spent on the baby schedule app.

And ignorance was bliss.

A few other things I remember about the beginning...

• I had an excessive amount of questions. So, to lessen the obnoxious-ness, I alternated questions between 3 friends. And had them on speed-text. 
• Google has never seen the word "breastfeeding"typed into a search engine so many times. 
• I have a weird obsession with things being even. So I nursed for 10 minutes on each side. Every.single.time.
• Already mentioned this, but it hurt. And most LC's say, "If it hurts, baby isn't doing it right." Well, have you seen my Chunkin? She was clearly getting enough to eat. And it still hurt.
• The football position was the only one that worked for Lyla at the beginning. Nothing else.
• I was so paranoid about "nipple confusion" that I did not introduce a bottle or pacifier until 4 weeks old on the day. 
• The chair in Lyla's nursery rocker has become the most used piece of furniture in our house. It's where we share started our bond and have spent many hours. 
• We put Lyla in her crib starting Night #1. This means that I stumbled into her nursery to nurse her about 4 times a night. {Have I mentioned that I do everything the hard way?} I always envied those mamas who could just roll over and nurse while baby and mom fall back asleep. I caught up on work e-mails during that time. Because I'm crazy. 

Going back to work.

I absolutely need a post entirely dedicated to this topic. 
However.
After 7 months of being back at work. 
I am still not fully ready to share my emotions.

As if breastfeeding weren't hard enough, going back to work made it seem impossible.
I almost threw in the towel after one month.

And you know what?
Had I quit, Lyla would be just as happy and healthy as she is today.
And life sure would have been a piece of cake.
Or at least resembled more of a cake than the everything-but-the-kitchen-sink batter my life had become.

But I was committed.

I had to be.

Because things got very difficult.

I'm not one of those moms blessed with magic milk.
You know, the ones who have an overabundance of milk supply?
That wasn't me.
I barely pumped enough milk for 2 bottles each day.
And I pumped all.the.time.

Then it seemed like my entire immune system shut down.
Nursing and pumping *literally* sucked the immunity right out of me.
That coupled with being a teacher who is around germy kiddos for 7 hours a day?
I was sick for 3 months straight.

Then, I subsequently got clogged ducts 5 times in a row.
These are no picnic in the park.
They are incredibly painful, annoying, and can turn into a nasty infection if you're not careful.
Heat, massage, and lots of nursing is the key to getting rid of these nasty guys.

And of course there were the never-ending tasks.
Cleaning pump parts.
Steaming bottles.
Freezing milk.
Storing milk.
Portioning milk.

Oh. And let's not forget the day I returned to work and discovered that all milk I express instantly turns sour.

After all of that nonsense, my stubborn will came in handy.
Because I was determined to make it to Christmas.
Then spring break.

And now here we are.
Summer vacation.
And I'm still going.
With plans to make it to the year mark.

Making it Work at Work. 

Most, if not all, women experience a major dip in supply when going back to work. 

So it can make things incredibly difficult if pumping isn't a top priority. 

{Or for some, if pumping isn't able to be accomplished at work}.

How did I personally make it work after heading back to teaching?
Let's talk logistics. 

• Economics 101. Nursing is all about supply and demand. Our God-given bodies know exactly how much milk to produce based on what the baby demands. So as a rule of thumb, I tried to pump as many times as Lyla ate while she was away from me. *And then some*. I basically pumped any chance I got because I really did not want my supply to dip. And I wanted my body thinking that Lyla was still an eating machine.
• Get a Running Start. I began pumping when Lyla was 6 weeks old. Call me a planner, or call me crazy. I like to think ahead. So, I slowly began pumping after a nursing session here and a nursing session there. And I'm a results kind of gal, so you can imagine my frustration when it took me 2 or 3 pump sessions to get ONE measly ounce. But I kept with it. And eventually I had a freezer full of milk. 
• Nurse.Nurse.Nurse. Just like anything else, nothing competes with the real thing. Artificial anything is never quite the same. This goes with nursing as well. A breastfeeding baby is so much more efficient than a pump. So, I made it a priority to rush home and nurse Lyla before after school meetings or other personal obligations...rather than skipping a nursing session and pumping instead. 
• All in a Day's Work. I really protected my pumping sessions at work. This can be incredibly difficult for some professions, teaching included. Because there is zero flexibility as a teacher. I often get the question how to make it work as a teacher. Well. In my case, I am lucky with my schedule. I was able to pump during my plan time in the morning and then again at lunch. 
• Anywhere. Anytime. There were times when I missed a pumping session due to a meeting, etc. But I always made sure to make up that pumping session. I quickly learned to swallow my pride and be willing to pump anywhere. I've been in quite the awkward predicaments on more than one occasion. 
• Become a camel. My kids were always so intrigued by how much water I consumed in a day. I took my giant post-partum hospital jug with me to school every day. And I filled it 3-4 times in a 7 hour period. That's an average of 100 ounces of water just during school hours. Staying hydrated is key because a lot of liquid is coming out!
• Keep it Clean. I started things off by vigorously cleaning and sterilizing my pump parts after each use. Then I got gross efficient. I *gasp* only cleaned my pump parts at the end of each day. I seriously could not keep up the maintenance. I was on a non-negotiable time restraint during my pump times. There just wasn't enough time to clean the parts too. But I thoroughly washed the parts each night with boiling hot water, soap, and a bottle scrubber. 
• Milk Hoarding. How did I store my liquid gold? I have a mini fridge in my classroom where I kept my pumped milk. Then I'd take it home and pour into milk storage bags. I currently *still* have an entire deep freeze of Medela storage bags full of milk.
• Number Obsessed. Being Type-A, I had to make a conscious effort to not become number-obsessed. It's so easy to get into the habit of, "Well, she's eating three 5oz. bottles at daycare, so I should be pumping 15 oz. while I'm at school." I never even came close to pumping that during my school day. Sometimes, I'd pump 6 oz. in my morning session, while other times I pumped 2 oz. It was very inconsistent. Eventually, I did get to a point where I was no longer pumping what Lyla was taking in. But that's why I tried to build a "cushion" with my morning and night time pump sessions. 

Last but not least, for all you visual learners, here is a peek at what my daily schedule looked like. 

*I did eventually take out the 3:40 pump session after a couple of months. And at the very end of school, I finally took out the night session.*

Daily Schedule.

6:15 Nurse first thing in the morning. 

7:00 Pump while eating breakfast/putting on makeup. 

9:30 Pump during plan time. 

11:50 Pump during lunch. 

3:40 Pump after school. 

4:30 Nurse.

6:00 Nurse. 

9:00 Pump Before bed. 

*I grew to really dislike my pump. Why? Because I saw (and heard) it more than my own husband and baby. Pumping is what nightmares are made of. There is nothing worse than getting in bed only to realize you still have to pump. Except maybe waking up 30 minutes early every morning just to pump. Seriously. I've never cursed something so much.

And after all that? 

My supply still suffered a bit around 8 months. 

I'm telling you.

This nursing stuff is no joke. 

But I'm fortunate enough to have a summer break. 

I'm able to catch up. 

And boost my supply again.

Plus I have a husband who packs my lunch, washes bottles, and pretty much reminds me daily that the sacrifice is worth it. 

So a big shout out to my main squeeze. 

And a second shout out to a really cute Chunkin. 

Who makes all of this worth it.

Seriously.
It is so incredibly worth it. 

****Today I'm linking up with a dear, longtime blog friend. She hosts BabyTalk Tuesdays, and I've linked up today. Go check her out - She and her little Kenley are just sweet as pie!

New Mommy Files: Breastfeeding Part I

I started this little segment back when Ly was 5 1/2 months old.
And had every intention of blogging somewhat frequently about specific new mama topics.

Not because I think I have the answers.
*That thought actually makes me laugh.*
But mostly because I wanted to document how I did things.
For myself.
To look back and think, "Definitely not doing that again."
Or, "What the heck were we thinking?!?!"

And simply to share my experience.
So that others don't feel so alone.
Or nut-house crazy.

Oh.
Is that just me?
Ok.

And I've had so many others reach out to me.
To share their personal experiences.
And to give me their advice.

That's what I just love about the blogging community.
So much support.

Anyway.
Now that I'm not devoting every smidgen of time and energy to 20 fourth graders, I figured it was time to get back into my New Mommy Files.

I've recently had several mama friends ask me questions.
About breastfeeding.
And how to make pumping work while being a teacher.
So that's exactly what I'm going to discuss.

Breastfeeding. 

And just like hitting a funny-bone-like reflex, I'm sure a few readers just skedaddled.

You win some.
You lose some.

I wish I did this post 6 months ago
Because there are so many details I dont' remember about the beginning.

But let's face it.
I was exhausted.
And had know clue what the heck I was doing.
Still don't.

But all the more reason I wish I would have documented it all.

I think I'm going to break this doosie-of-a-topic up into 2 parts.

Part I: The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly. 
Part II: My Experience and Making it Work at Work

Let's take it from the beginning.

Breastfeeding Part I: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

I think every woman who has ever tried to breastfeed should get a medal of honor.

Scratch that.

More like an all expense paid trip to Bora Bora.

For 3 months.

Now don't get me wrong. 

I am definitely not a whip-out-my-boob-anywhere-nurse-until-my-baby-is-7 kind of gal.

*More power to you if you are.*

I am incredibly modest.

And tend to take the more subtle route.

I think I've only nursed in public a handful times.

*With my handy, dandy hooter-hider of course.*

But if you ask, I will go on and on and on.

About why breast is best.

I'm pretty sure absolutely no one would argue.

Choosing to breastfeed your baby is hands-down the absolute best choice.

Even if it's only for a short time.

I mean.

Just google "benefits of breastfeeding."

You will get 7,980,000 search results.

Now. 

I have nothing against formula.
In fact, I've come very close to supplementing due to dwindling supply.

And past these baby years, no one even knows the difference. 

Can you imagine?

"Oh yeah. Todd's the best fit for our new tax accountant position. I hear he was breastfed as a baby."

Plus I personally know some women who really struggled.

Some who couldn't nurse at all.
And I'm sad because these mamas were too hard on themselves.

But now their babies are thriving.
And they have a bond with their babies that only mamas and babies do. 

I knew from the beginning I wanted to make nursing a top priority.
And I knew I was going to *try* to give it my all. 

Because with enough dedication and moral support from loved ones, most women can make it work. 

The following are just some of the things that kept me going throughout my breastfeeding journey.

The Good.

Why Breast is Best.

1. The perfect nutritious concoction for your tot. It's a complete blend of high-quality nutrients, vitamins, and minerals that cannot be replicated by even the most brilliant of scientists. And your milk actually changes as your baby grows to match his or her unique needs. It's like a custom-made mommy smoothie just for your baby. Too much? 

2. Warrior anti-bodies that protect from sickness and infection. I witnessed this benefit first-hand. At every wellness check up, our pediatrician said that Lyla was one of the very few babies in her practice that had not come down with at least one pretty-severe illness last winter. Ly has of course had a few colds, but she avoided hospital visits and breathing treatments. This was one of the worst seasons the medical community had seen in our area! Our doc attributed every bit of Lyla's immune system to nursing. 

3. An easy-access convenience store. "Is your newborn fussy, hungry, or simply needs some comfort? Try one of our handy-dandy automatic milk machines. Guaranteed to meet all your baby's needs without the hassle of waiting for a bottle. Anytime. Anywhere. Satisfaction guaranteed."  

4. Hello? It's Natural. 100% God-made. No artificial preservatives. Boobies have a purpose, and it ain't wet t-shirt contests. And women who don't plan to breastfeed still produce milk after giving birth. I'm just sayin. 

5. An unbreakable bond between you and baby. This in and of itself is a reason to breastfeed. The bond I share with Lyla is enough to make me melt right into a puddle of sap. It's something I can't even put into words. 1. Because I'll get emotional. 2. Because it's a phenomenon that I truly can't explain. Need scientific proof? Breastfeeding releases oxytocin. You know, that feel on-top-of-the-world hormone? So it just feels good. 

And I'd be lying if I said there aren't any superficial perks as well. 

*Pun totally intended.*

6. Better-smelling poos. Yep. It's true. Your breastfed tot's poo is quite pure, therefore smells sweet, not sour. For someone who uses cloth diapers and comes face to face with poo on a semi-regular basis, this one's a definite plus. 

7. Perfect baby skin. Everywhere we go, Ly gets comments on her perfect skin. And she had it even during the newborn phase. Partly thanks to Daddy's genes, partly thanks to Mommy's boobie juice. Everyone in the pediatrician office always oohs and aahs over Ly'as quote "perfectly pink baby skin"!

8. Makes you rich. Ok. Maybe not completely. But it does save you an incredible amount of money. Have you seen the prices of formula these days? Sheesh. Being practically the only thing left that's free these days, nursing is quite friendly on the ol' pocketbook. Steal of a deal I say. 

9. A Hot bod. Between brand new full-of-milk mommy boobs and burning up near 500+ calories a day, nursing practically morphs you into a Victoria's Secret model. Ok. Maybe in my dreams. But seriously? For the first time since fifth grade, I haven't had to watch what I eat. At all. Need someone to polish off your bag of SunChips? I'm your gal. Oh. Don't want to waste those 6 leftover cookies - I'm on it. Quite the change from eating like a healthnut 24/7. 

And of course there's two sides to every story...

The Bad & The Ugly

What the Breastfeeding Classes Didn't Tell You

1. Welcome to the hardest thing you will ever do. You think running a marathon/passing the bar/traveling to the moon is difficult? Try breastfeeding. Although things do get easier (until of course you go back to work), it is HARD in the beginning. And I had it easy compared to several of my friends. It's easily understandable why so many women give up after a couple of weeks. Between trying to get this tiny little newborn to learn to latch on and figuring out how in the world to increase milk production, it is one of the most stressful things I've ever encountered. *Yet most rewarding by a long shot.*

2. YOWEE. It hurts. So, close your eyes. Picture the most sensitive part of your entire body. Now picture taking a pair of sandpaper-covered pliers and squeezing/twisting/pulling that part of your body as hard as you possibly can. And then just once your wounds have just started to heal, take a really rough towel and start rubbing. Yes, ouch is right. Bottom line: it hurts. This is coming from someone who has had a drug-free natural childbirth. Yikes. Luckily, it only hurts like this for the first couple of months...for me at least. 

3. What life? If you decide to exclusively breastfeed, your life will revolve around feedings. Well. Even if you don't decide to breastfeed, your life will still revolve around feedings. Except with exclusive nursing, you don't have the option to let someone else take the night shift feeding. I woke every couple of hours for the first couple of months to feed my babe. And because I was adamant about not experiencing a dip in my milk supply, I to this day have never skipped a feeding (at least without pumping). I joke with everyone that my life consists of work and boobs. 

But as awful as they sound, the bad and the ugly are completely outweighed by the good.

And the good makes the whole experience worth every second.

Makes me happy and thankful that I've been able to keep it up this long. 

And I'd say Chunkin doesn't complain.

Next up in the Mommy Files:

Making it work when the going gets *really* tough. 

A.K.A. My personal experience.

Weeks 36 & 37: Cuddles

Weeks 36 and 37: 04/21/13 - 05/04/13

Sweet Beansie.

I know it goes without saying.
But you have completely stolen my heart. 

Every last morsel of it.

I'm feeling particularly bonded with you lately. 

You've really become quite the mama's girl. 

Well, a Daddy's girl too.

You are just an all-around family gal I'd say.

But you've been a little more needy for your mama the past couple of weeks. 

Lots of cuddling on my chest...which you haven't done since the newbie days. 

And I swear you're saying mama again. 

It's still more of a "maaa-maaa-maa-maa".

Usually when you're upset.

And when you need your mama. ;)

Plus. You reach out for me all.the.time.

But the best?

The moment I walk in the door from work every night.

You gasp, give the cheesiest grin, and start clapping and bouncing up and down. 

Best part of my days.

By far. 

You've been such a little cuddle bug.

I think it's because I've been so busy the past 2 weeks. 

Like a hurricane. 

One giant, chaotic storm of busy. 

Something every night of the week.  

Even a few before-school meetings. 

And even an out-of-town trip. 

And several sleepless nights. 

But just 2 more weeks. 

And then it's you, me, pool time, long walks, and crafting.  

*And a lot of work to prepare for Common Core next year...duh-duh-DUH.*

But lucky for me, you're a professional napper. 

And I hope to get a lot done while you snooze. 

Without 20 other kiddos receiving every ounce of energy I have. 

And no more long nights dedicated to lesson planning.

Or grading. 

Funny. I can actually do work when I don't have to work. 

Another reason I'm counting down the days until summer?

Because breastfeeding has gone from extremely hard to nearly impossible. 

My supply has dipped.

A lot. 

It feels like I see my pump more than you.

Probably because I do. 

And in just the last two weeks alone I've pumped in the parking lot of the zoo *on the busiest day of the year*, my school parking lot, our school counselor's office, in the car while driving to meetings, and in a friend's bathroom while getting ready for a bachelorette party. 

But I'm only producing enough for about 1 1/2 bottles. 

All of that work.

For not even 2 bottles. 

And all of those horribly awkward situations. 

Not to mention the time commitment.

The life of a working, nursing, pumping mother...

Holy hard work. 

How in the world have I kept this up?

Luckily, I have a ton of frozen milk. 

We're still going through frozen bags from January. 

Which means we can totally make it another 2 weeks. 

And then no.more.pump.

Just you and me. 

And we will *hopefully* make it to the year mark. 

Or at least really close. 

So worth it. 

And for the record.

I'm totally enjoying this sweet little clingy phase.

Because it makes me feel like one special mama.

8 Months

8 Months Old: 04/19/13

16 lbs. 15 oz. and 27 inches long

Eight months with you.
The best months I've ever had.
That's for sure.

It's been quite the ride, Beans.
And I keep thinking, "This is the best month yet."
But you're a one-upper.
And each passing month brings even more joy.

With you and your cuteness.
And rolls for days.

I'm basically saying I love you.
More than anything.

Milestones. Sometimes I think you're so close to crawling. You have completely lost your fear of using your arms. And while sitting, you completely bend over, put your arms out, and act like you're going to just scoot off. But you don't. Doc says she wouldn't be surprised if you're a baby who skips the crawling stage all around and just gets up and walks someday. 

You have some pretty crazy acrobatic moves these days. Bringing your toes to your mouth. Doing a full-on toe touch while on the floor. We may have a future cheerleader on our hands. Or a gymnast. After all, your dad did gymnastics until he was 12. *And you better believe I remind him of that all the time. *

And I swear you have been saying "mama". It's usually when your'e upset and really crying...you say, "mmmaaa-mmmaaa". Who knows if you're really saying mama. But I still like it. ;)

You have really started imitating us. Especially by shaking your head "no-no". You love shaking your head. Now just to get you to nod your little head for "yes-yes"...

Firsts.  You started intentionally clapping this month! It's the sweetest little thing I've ever seen. You especially like to clap to music. GiGi says you have nice rhythm. And you love when we clap for your. You immediately get so proud, you start clapping for yourself. 

You've also started waving "bye-bye". At first I thought you were just randomly waving your arms around. But then I realized, you have totally made the connection to leaving and waving. You haven't totally got it down yet, but when I leave you in the mornings, or when Pops leaves you, you wave your little arm up and down while we say, "Bye-bye, Lyla!"

Big Moments. You've been a little "off" this month. So off, that we took you to the doctor to rule out an ear infection. Turns out, you just love to rub your ear because of the sound it makes. But last week, I noticed your top left gum was quite swollen. And then GiGi and a friend mentioned something as well. So could you be teething yet again?

Sigh. 

I feel like you have teethed 50% of your life. 

But, reality check. 

That's what babies do. ;)

Oh! And mama started sitting you in the grocery cart seat. We no longer take your car seat in anywhere we go. You LOVE grocery shopping and eating out at restaurants now. Big girl. 

Eating. You started eating 5 ounce bottles this month. And you eat solids twice a day - usually 1-2 ounces. We introduced you to carrots and bananas this month. And you have gotten SO good at your pincher grasp. You are able to feed yourself Puffs and bananas. Although, the bananas are quite slippery...so they usually slide out of your little fingers. 

I'm still nursing. Which you've been kinda funny about lately. You get so distracted, and you even started biting again. Overall, you haven't been the greatest nurser this month. Which led to another clogged duct. Hoping it's just teething...or just a phase. 

And still nursing means still pumping. Just the thought of the sound of my pump makes me cringe. BUT. I actually made the decision to take out one pumping session. I no longer pump before I go to bed. Because I realized I have milk saved from DECEMBER. And I only get about an ounce during that session anyway. It's amazing how eliminating one pumping session seems to have changed my life. I no longer get into bed for the night, only to realize, "UGH, I have to pump." Plus, I only have one and a half months to make it to summer...where I can exclusively nurse again. Woot-woot!

Sleep. On a typical night, you go to bed at 6:30 and don't make a peep until I wake you at 6:30. But you have surprisingly had 3 or 4 nights this month where you suddenly wake (usually before we go to bed). Each time you've been quite distraught and I've had to nurse you. It was kind of nice. Because I miss you so much during the day. (Again, you've been a bit off this month). 

Loves. You LOVE your feet. It's like you've discovered them for the first time. In fact, you don't fall asleep for quite some time because you're so enamored by your tootsies. You love sounds that you make. Like when you rub your right ear or scratch the chair while I nurse you. Some other major obsessions this month: playing "Where's Lyla", your new wooden blocks, shaking your head no-no, fake coughing, discovering you can make a gasping sound, hiccups, and the wind.

Oh my word. You love the wind. You laugh hysterically when it's windy out. *This also includes when Dad replicates the wind by blowing on your face. 

Dislikes. Little boys. You think they are too rough. We're working on this. And you really dislike hats. Especially Pop's and Grandpa Tony's hats. 

Personality. Overall, you're very laid back, chill, and quiet. Like your dad. But then you surprise us and squeal, sing, and yell...loudly. 

Favorite Playthings. Wooden blocks, your Kitty Tails book, the pups, and any jewelry mama wears. 

Week 34: Bad Habits

Week 34: 04/07/13 - 04/13/13

Oh, my little Stinker.

You've picked up quite the habit.

A not-so-good-we-better-stop-this-right-now habit. 

You have picked up biting.  

Now, I get it.

You could be teething. 

You could be exploring new things.

Or it could be that you and Gigi started playing a "game" when you finished your bottle.

*This game has since come to an immediate halt*

But this habit is not good news. 

Because you like to experiment on Mom. 

And I have one thing to say about that.

Ouch.

!!!

In addition to forming this new habit,  you've also learned a new word:
NO.

You're not quite sure what it means yet. 

But by the tone of my voice, you're pretty sure you don't like it.

You grimace.

Then bat your eyelashes. 

And stare at me with those Jasmine eyes. 

At least you're not laughing anymore. 

And you've actually gone on a bit of an eating strike. 

Not just with nursing. 

But your bottle makes you pretty mad.

I think you're just rebelling.

Hopefully this is just a phase. 

Something tells me it is. 

Because you are Chunkin. 

And you love your eats.

But I do have to say.

Bad habit or not, 

you're still pretty cute. 

And steal the show wherever you are. 

Like this weekend.

You had a quick visit with your Auntie Ab and Uncle Brad.

They sure love you. 

And you sure love them.

And the warm weather.

When it decides to make an appearance.

You have become quite the outdoor chic.

Which Dad is pretty excited about it. 

But Mom is seriously starting to panic. 

Because it's supposed to snow tomorrow. 

Yes. Snow.

In April.

And you have outgrown your six month clothes.

And all that fits is your summer wardrobe. 

I'm pretty sure your cute bathing suits won't be much help the next few days.

We'll just have to make-do with a hodgepodge of things I can scrounge up. 

So I guess what I'm trying to say is,

Stop growing. 

And while you're at it?

Stop biting.

Thanks. 

Mom's gotta do what Mom's gotta do

I'm sure yesterday wasn't the last time I reach the point of desperation.

The point where I'm so frantic.
So panicked.

Where I have to think on my toes.
Problem solve.
Strategize.

Do whatever it takes to get the job done.

Even if it's ridiculous.
Embarrassing.
Crazy.

Yesterday, I reached that point.

My mind was in a thousand different places this week.

I was just getting over being terribly sick.
And Gabe was out of town for the week.
And I have an *almost* 4 month old.
Who decided to stop sleeping.
And I'm a workin' mama.

Too much to remember.
Plain and simple.

So yesterday.
I get to school.
I'm in a fabulous mood.
Because Lyla had slept through the night for two solid nights.
And it was Friday.

So 9:30 rolls around.
My plan time.
This time is crucial for a teacher.
Especially one who is a breastfeeding/pumping mom.

I have my pumping down to a science.
I know exactly how long it takes.
To drop off my kids.
Lock the door.
Get my parts set up.
Pump.
Get a little work done.
Clean up.
Pour.
Refrigerate.
Make sure I haven't left any evidence on my desk.
Pick up my kids.

Well yesterday, I was feeling confident.
I had a meeting with my teammates at the beginning of plan time.
Giving myself exactly enough time to pump before picking up my kids.

Well.
I got back to my classroom.
And realized I forgot all my pump parts.

Insta-panic.

I frantically ran to my teammates and asked them what I should do.
They assured me they could cover for me while I ran home.

But I live at least 15 minutes away *on a good day*.
That's 30 minutes of drive time alone.
Plus a 20-minute pumping session.
Plus 10 minutes of getting set up/cleaned up/getting "dressed".

How was I going to do this?

So I sprinted to my car.
Brainstormed.
Remembered two friends gave me a car-charger at a shower.
*Thank you Lora and Ali*.

Got home.
Left my car running.
Ran inside.
Got my parts.
Busted open the car charger.
Got back in my car.
Assembled the parts.
Slipped on the "pumping bra".

And then, my friends,
I pumped the entire way back to school.
In the car.
While driving.
While breaking *15 kinds of laws*.
Pulled into the school parking lot.
Cleaned up.
Sprinted back to my classroom.

29 minutes.

I felt like SuperMom, I tell ya.
Or SuperTeacher.
Or both.

All I have to say is Lyla better not ever go through an "I hate my mom because I'm too cool" phase.
Because clearly, I have no shame in doing things that are incredibly embarrassing.
And I will use that weapon, when necessary.

The things we do for our kiddos.
Right?

I mean, look at this kid.
She's gotta eat.
Clearly.

After all, she's our Chunkin.

Week 13: A new kind of weekly update

Week 13: 11/11/12 - 11/17/12

Hi. My name is Angela.
And I'm a working mom.

There.

I said it.

I've been back at work for 2 weeks now.
Well, a week and a half if you want to get all technical.
With Thanksgiving and all.

I feel that I can do this post now that I've gotten my crazy out.
I mean.
I swear it's like the psycho fairy took over my body.

My first two days back at work were pure torture.

For the obvious reason that I missed my baby girl so much.
But mostly because I felt like I was starting over.

Learning a new job.
Remediating behaviors.
Implementing new routines...because there were none.
Completely reorganizing my disaster of a classroom.
Sorting through months of paperwork.
Catching up on common core standards.
Figuring out how to pump in my classroom when there is no time.
Getting into the routine of laundering diapers, washing bottles, freezing milk, packing a lunch, packing a baby bag, and somehow getting dinner on the table every night.

My first day back was one of the worst days I've had in as long as I can remember.
And it surprisingly wasn't for the fact that I missed Lyla so much.
The opposite in fact.
I was so busy, I didn't even think about her one single time.
I even forgot to eat lunch that day.
And I peed once in eight hours.
ONCE.

The moment I got in my car I started sobbing.
What kind of mother goes the entire day without thinking of her baby?
A really busy one, that's who.
I cried the entire way to my in-laws.

When I arrived, all I wanted to do was snuggle my baby and get home.
But the already worst-day-ever-saga continued.

My sweet mother in law had some news for me.

The frozen milk I gave her to feed Lyla was...sour.
I burst into tears again.
What did she mean sour?
We taste-tested (Yep. We're that close.) a couple more frozen bags.

Sure enough.
Sour.
And disgusting.

I panicked.
Was all of my milk sour?
How did this happen?
How was I going to feed my baby?
Was all my hard work of stocking up milk for nothing?

I wasn't prepared to give up breastfeeding so soon.
It's one of the things I have left to keep our strong little bond.

I called the pediatrician.
Waited over an hour.
Panicked some more.
Left messages with the local La Leche League.
Called back 3 more times.
Finally got ahold of a lactation consultant.

Long story short,
I have a rare case of producing an excess of lipase.
Lipase is an enzyme in human milk that breaks down fat, and an excess of this enzyme causes milk fat to decompose shortly after the milk has been expressed. Thus causing pumped milk to sour. Yuck!

Luckily, after talking to the lactation consultant for over an hour (and then the pediatrician just to confirm), there is absolutely nothing wrong with this expressed milk.
In other words, it can't harm baby at all.
It does however taste disgusting, and most babies refuse it.
Chunkin, however?
She guzzles it down.
Loves the stuff.
Go figure.

So. As long as she keeps taking it, I can keep pumping it.
So we can happily continue our morning and night time feedings together.

Thank the Lord.

Needless to say, every day after that got a little bit better.

Still miss her like crazy all day.
But I'm getting into a routine.
And it I am so thankful she's at GiGi's.
Makes it all a teensy bit better.

Plus, Fridays are better than EVER.
I do not put her down all weekend long.

Makes you really cherish the weekends.

Week 13 was a tough one.
But hoping things continue to get better.