The Sweet Life.

Life.

So sweet. Sometimes bitter.

So emotionally scattered. And so completely wonderful.

I'm sad for my absence on this personal little blog of my mine, really since Adaline's birth. Or actually, more since I hopped on the entrepreneur train and started a business with a two year old and a two month old at home. There have been so many times I've desperately wanted to listen to my begging spirit and write about all that's going on. But instead, I pour my energy and creativity into the rest of my day, leaving my brain vacant and incoherent after the girls go to bed.

Life has been busy. And exciting. And incredibly sweet. And hard. But I'm not even sure I could begin to explain all that's gone on in the last six months. SIX MONTHS. I just can't even believe how quickly the span of months flies by.

The few times I have stopped, if even for a moment, I've felt such raw sadness at the passing of time. Like I haven't fully captured every adorably mispronounced word spoken by Lyla or the way Adaline gazes intently and reaches out for our faces. I can't help but feel that I'm living to check off the to-dos, lost in the whirlwind of schedules and meetings and laundry and feedings. But life keeps going, regardless of the fact that I'd like it to pause. It's busy for us, and everyone else I know, and doesn't appear to be slowing down anytime soon.

But this time period has also been so very sweet. I've never in my life been so sure of a decision, with me getting to stay home with the girls. I'm living a dream I never knew existed in my heart - so grateful to be home, while also building a business and relationships in a community I've grown to love so much.  

I'm thankful for so many things that staying home has given me.

Our slow-to-rise mornings, that ironically begin before 6 am. Lyla's eagerness for breakfast immediately upon waking. Her desire to help make my morning coffee {but only after demanding to sit on the counter, while checking her and Adaline's seedlings we planted in pots on the windowsill.} Staring at Adaline while she takes her morning nap, kissing her and taking in that sweet baby scent that I never want to forget. Listening to the girls play while Lyla talks in her best "mommy voice", telling Addie to be careful and good job rolling over. Getting the out of nowhere I wuv you, Mommy and Hug me Mommy. Receiving the reassuring baby smiles that let me know I am everything to my babes. Toting my baby buddy with me to meetings and coffee dates and bible study.

I try to remember those moments over the 20 minute maddening where's-your-other-shoe hunts when we're running 20 minutes late. Or the dead-weight, drop to the floor like a wet noodle tantrums. Or when both girls are crying hysterically, which then makes me cry hysterically (at least on the inside).

Another something that has made my heart so full lately is the time spent with my mom, the girls' Grams. This quality time has been so precious as it's something we rarely got when I was growing up, due to never-ending work demands. But, we've been making up for lost time, and it's been so special to see the bond forming between my mom and the girls. Lyla runs around in circles, and yells throughout the house "GRAMS IS HERE" the moment she sees her car pulling up in the driveway, knowing that it's time for Monday morning story time. They run errands together, eat lunch together and Lyla always comes home to tell me all the people she prayed for with Grams.

So getting the completely unexpected and heartbreaking call that my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer last week shook me to my core. Gabe was out of town, and the only other person I wanted to talk to was my mom. Which didn't seem quite right, so I really just held myself together during the day, only to surrender to my emotions at night after the girls were asleep.

My mom has cancer. And we're in that incredibly frustrating phase of tests and waiting for results. Weighing pros and cons of all options and praying for guidance and strength. Hopeful for a strong, healthy life with family and grandkids.

But that doesn't make it any less scary. It's been hard. And an unwelcome interruption in this sweet time of life.

But life is life. And it has a mind of its own.

So here we are, juggling and balancing, leaning on faith and each other, and enjoying all of our moments.

Because every moment with the people I love is a treasure. And this life is sweet and one I'm so very thankful to be living.

Adaline Mae : 6 Months (I'm Sorry. Come Again?)

I can't believe it either.

Halfway to the year mark. I remember Lyla's first year going fast. But nothing like this first year with my sweet baby bug.

It honestly stings. Hard.

But this age. Oh, this age is oh so sweet. Just like every other age and stage that I adore so much. Adaline is 100% smiles for miles and cheeks for weeks. I don't think she's ever not smiling. Or talking. Or flailing her chubby baby legs in excitement. I have a feeling she may just be our vibrant wild child.

And it's so fun seeing the differences between her and her big sister. Both such unique personalities and equally fun and special in their own way. But there is one thing they definitely have in common - they adore each other. It's so touching to see their sister bond starting at such a young age. I love it more than anything.

This has been a significant month all around. Several firsts, so many changes, so much FUN!

- This little gal has her social pants on all day everyday. Big sis Lyla was smiley and talkative with those she knew well, but Adaline jabbers and squeals and makes happy yells all the livelong day! She loves all living things and likes to party. My mom tells me all the time that Adaline is so similar to how I was as a baby. I think we may have a mini-me on our hands.

- She loves listening to music and her sister's silly songs. She mimics by singing da-da-da-da all day long. I'm pretty sure "dad" will be her first word. And that's ok. Because Lyla said ma-ma first. ;)

- I flew solo for the first time with baby to go meet up with Gabe while he traveled for work. Even with a suitcase, a duffle bag and a really chunky baby, I honestly wasn't nervous one bit. She did outstanding. Much better than our trip to San Francisco because sweet babe wasn't sick this time around. I nursed her at takeoff and landing, she napped the entire flight and I read my chapter for bible study AND got some work done. I was seriously more productive than in a two week span at home.

- I'm so happy we had some one on one time with Adaline in Atlanta while Lyla "vacationed" at BOTH sets of grandparents'. It was such a treat to give her undivided attention. Plus, she got to play with her newest little buddy, Liam while mom and dad had adult time. {HOW did I ever think having one child was hard? It was such a breeze.}

- Addie-babe sprouted her FIRST TOOTH this month. I noticed it after she bit down on my finger. And honestly, I had a hunch the week before because she had a super fussy day, which is completely unlike her. I had a moment of panic because I sort of forgot how to handle fussy babies. So, I gave her some baby Tylenol, Hyland teething tablets and Lyla's old amber teething necklace. Didn't really think about it again. Until a few days later, that little sucker broke through. Then, just before our trip to Atlanta, I noticed her SECOND TOOTH. I may have shed a tear. I'm not quite ready for all these changes.

- I can't believe I haven't mentioned this yet. Girlfriend sleeps with her eyes OPEN. Did you know that's a thing? I googled it. We're talking wide-open. And it is terrifying. One afternoon as I was checking on her during nap time, she was "looking" right at me with glazed over eyes. I ran over to the crib and shook her and started yelling like a crazy woman, and she woke up. She had been in a deep sleep! GiGi and Bots witnessed it too one night when they were babysitting. Super creepy.

- Little miss personality loves to bend backwards. She does this for two reasons 1. to try to get out of whatever seated position she's in and 2. To make eye contact with you if she's faced outward. I'm not quite sure how she does it exactly. But she twists and bends into the most uncomfortable looking position so that she's upside-down looking you straight in the eye. It's hilarious and adorable.

- I was caught completely off guard this month when our little Bug started rolling over. I left her on her playmat, went into the kitchen for something, and came back to find her on her belly. Now, she does it in her crib all the time and sometimes gets stuck. So we obviously stopped swaddling. It was just so surprising because Lyla didn't roll until super late, and even when she did, it was only a handful of times. Addie is a lot more...motivated than her big sis. She scoots all over her crib and tries to get out of every seat we put her in, making it so we have to belt her in to everything. I don't think we buckled Lyla EVER (except for the carseat). We'll probably also have to baby proof the house with this one.

- Last month, she was all about the hands. This month is, what big sis likes to call, "her little feets". Oh how she LOVES those feet sweet baby toes.

- Nursing is still going great. I try to pump every now and again to stock up on bottles so mama can have some time away. But just like I did with Lyla, I don't respond well to pumping and get a very sad little amount. Which makes me so thankful to not have to be working full time and stressed about pumping. But she is entering the distracted phase which means she'll only focus when it's dark and quiet - too many other exciting things going on to eat!

- I remember Lyla doing this exact same catch-you-off-guard move. Addie sneak attacks by grabbing nearby body parts and gnawing on whatever is in front of her. I'll be cuddling with her and think she's asleep and BOOM. She starts eating my face or chomping my arm. She also grabs hair and cheeks really hard. I'll hear Lyla saying from the other room "Oww! Please stop. PLEASE STOP."

- Sleeping is going great too. Aside from when she's sick {and wakes every.single.hour.}Addie goes down around 7 and wakes up around 7 or 7:30. She's never really been a rockstar napper though. This could be due to the fact that we're out and about a lot, and she's not given the princess sleep treatment like Lyla received. Poor second baby. :( I do always try to make sure we're home for at least two really solid naps though. And she doesn't seem to complain. About anything. Ever.

Happy six months, sweet Bug. Goodness, this little ol' heart of mine is full to the brim.

Adaline Mae: 5 Months

My worst (non-tragic and non-emergency) nightmare came true this past week.

I've been slacking in many areas of life since Adaline has been born, especially when it comes to documenting big milestones and firsts. But I've also cut myself some slack as it's been a rather busy and stressful season of life. And to my credit, although not blogging as much, I've still been keeping track of every smile, giggle, coo and first on my collect photo journal app on my phone. So technically, I've been doing my job as resident historian. It's just looked different than it did with Lyla.

However. I got a new phone last week. And unbeknownst to me, this app's data and information is connected to each individual phone, not the app itself (unlike just about every other app the world uses that's connected to the app, not the phone.) So I lost everything. Every note, every exact moment I tracked when Adaline reached a new milestone or a new first. All gone.

I seriously felt like I got sucker punched in the gut.

But I also learned a huge lesson that day: Read the fine print (this app TELLS you that you have to do some special downloading and blah blah blah before you wipe your phone...for a price, of course).

Not only did I lose all information on our Bug's first 5 months of life, but this past month and a half really was such a blur. We had two *really* sick kids, an unexpected hospital visit, Gabe drove through one of the worst ice storms of all time to Nashville, I launched a website and hosted a launch party for my new business, and we flew out for a family wedding in San Francisco...all in a two week span.

Talk about worst timing ever.

Anyway. Life is finally starting to feel a little more normal, and I am re-committed to blogging about my sweet second baby's first year. We're over illnesses, everyone is sleeping through the night again and Lyla is completely potty trained (even #2 after seven brutal months and even wakes us in the middle of the night to go potty).

So, I'm back on track, Sweet Baby Bug!

And believe it or not, I did still manage to take a few notes of happenings over the last month.

- Addie does two *adorable* things that I vividly remember Lyla doing at this age. Without a moment's notice, she "sneak attacks" and starts chomping on fingers, hair, shoulders or anything within reach. This kid loves to aggressively chew on everything. She also started scratching the nursery chair while I nurse her. She loves to hear the sound it makes. And her big sister used to do the exact same thing.

- This kid has the best deep-from-the-gut belly laugh. Getting her to laugh is probably the funnest thing in the whole wide world at the moment. Lyla loves it too, and she can get Adaline to laugh harder than anyone else can by blowing on her belly. Those laughs. I just can't.

- She found her hands this month! There is just something about those hands that she can't get enough of. She sucks on them, stares at them, plays with them, and talks to them. Hands all the livelong day.

- Girlfriend also found her tongue and is pretty adamant about showing it off!

- It's so cute and miraculous when babies start doing something new. We've really noticed over the past month or two how much she loves playing. Playing with Samson and Lyla is her jam, and she has a new awareness for all her toys. It's so cute to see her look at a toy, reach for it and go to town playing. Wasn't she just a newborn who could barely make eye contact?

- The death grip has arrived and has a special hankering for hair. Ouch! Poor sweet Lyla loves to get on the floor and play with Addie, but then I'll hear a panicked "MOMMYYY Adawine has my hair!"

- Baby girl went on her first airplane ride and family vacation this month. Despite being pretty sick, she was a fabulous traveler to and from San Fran. She did a lot of nursing, snuggling, sleeping...and some crying too. But all around, we were pretty impressed. And though she wasn't a huge fan of the Ergo Baby Carrier at first, she became a believer by the end of the trip. It was so fun toting her around the city, and she adored that it made her nice and cozy up against our chests. Goodness, I love this snuggle bug.

- It was also baby's first time being away from mama AND first time for dad alone with both girls. It was a little nerve-racking because the night before I was supposed to leave for a quick weekend trip, we found out both girls were exposed to Influenza A. We had our first real parental "big decision" to make because our doctor wanted us to give both girls the Tamiflu as a preventative measure. But after finding out the side affects can be much worse than the flu itself, we decided last-minute not to give the meds to them. Everything turned out okay in the end, but I was so nervous to leave my babies. But I also really needed this getaway more than anything. So, I left the girls with Gabe and went on a quick trip to Manhattan to celebrate my sorority's 100 year anniversary. {Things I thought I'd never do : pump with sorority sisters in the parking lot of our alumni center.} Mama got just the rejuvenation she needed...and the girls remained flu free!

- This little lady is quite the sleeper and has been from day one. Her last feeding is around 7, and I put her right down until she wakes around 7 or 7:30 the next morning. However, this month we hit a big regression due to illness and travel. So she was waking every hour. Oh my heavenly stars, you don't remember how miserable that is until you get used to a superstar sleeper! But we're finally back on track and sleeping through the night again. Naps are pretty hit or miss as she's never been an amazing napper. She'd just much rather be socializing than snoozing and truly can't stand when she hears Lyla and I having fun without her. But when she does nap, she's out cold. And I find myself staring at her for a good 20 minutes.

- This sweet little angel is quite the talker. {I have no idea who on earth she would get that from}. She talks in her bed to put herself to sleep, she squeaks and squawks and can make all kinds of loud noises in the most quiet of places...like church. And she's started saying da-da-da-da. But it's ok because Lyla said mom first...so I guess I'll let Dad have his turn. ;)

- Adaline is second child through and through. She's incredibly laid back, doesn't get the luxury of a quiet house, has gotten somewhat used to napping on-the-go, and is exposed to things I never would have dreamed of with Lyla. For instance, I catch her staring at the TV if Lyla is watching a show while I respond to a few emails...something I would have had a heart attack over with Lyla. But on the flip side, she also has a much more relaxed mom who doesn't google absurd things, isn't worried that she's not rolling over yet, and is much more mentally present. You win some, you lose some.

- I'd have to say my most favorite thing at the moment is how excited sweet baby bug gets when someone shows her attention. She loses all control of arm, leg and smile muscles. Those arms and legs get to flapping about, letting us know she can barely contain the excitement. {Once again, no clue who she gets her enthusiasm from}.

I promise to do better in the coming months, sweet Bug. We love you dearly and want to capture every little thing you do!

Happy Five Months!

The Little Years

Life has really picked up speed lately.

Much of the day is chaotic and abuzz, but it really is a welcomed change of pace. And although I'm still trying to get the hang of working from home with a toddler and a baby, I really like it. I'm in my element - home with my babies while still flexing my brain muscles and social skills.

But I must admit, I've lost my patience more than usual. I'm constantly going. And many days, it feels like Gabe and I are passing ships in the night. Sometimes, it's 2:00 in the afternoon, and I truly have to think hard to remember if I ate or not that day. And I have had to completely let go of the fact that the house always has at least one layer of dog hair and dinner is more often than not something that requires less than 3 ingredients and a crock pot. {Oh. and the fact that the chalkboard in our living room still says "have a holly jolly christmas"}. I bring that up not to say, "look how busy I am", but to remind myself that I've come so far in my journey to slow down and be more intentional. And I do believe it's possible to be fulfilled by working and having a full schedule from time to time, while still being intentional with my time and focusing on my family.

Addie's lovely Sip and See thrown by special friends

And that is exactly why it is so important for me to continue documenting these "little years". But man is it hard to have enough creative energy to sit down at the end of the day to pump out a blog post. However, it is a priority for me because we so quickly forget the everyday.

Have you read this post that's been circulating lately? I loved it. Great advice from empty-nesters. I especially loved that they talked about recording the ordinary, the mundane. Because those really are the things we forget too quickly.

I never want to forget...

- the way Lyla says "eh" before every sentence. "eh, that's dad's oatmeal. eh, there are bubbles on it. eh strawberries in my yogurt."

- how the girls already seem to have a secret language. Lyla sweetly tells Adaline, "Ok. Don't drop it" when referring to the pile of toys she sat on top of her. And Adaline adoringly looks up at her big sister, cooing and gurgling.

- the way Lyla exerts her independence by putting her palm up and saying "No MOM, leave. I'm playing." Or how she tells me "leave mommy" every morning so she can finish reading her books in bed.

- how Addie has been dishing out deep, belly laughs. They make the entire room light up with laughter - big sis included.

- how Lyla wants everyone to be happy. If I say, "you're making mom sad", she quickly responds with "NO. Mom is HAPPY."

- the moment anyone makes eye contact with Addie, she breaks out into a smile that makes my cheeks hurt.

- when i ask lyla how school was, she always responds with the simple word, very confidently: "fwiends."

- how Lyla asks us to sing Jingle Bells every single night before bed. {Maybe she's taking cues from our overdue chalkboard?}

- and begs us every night to "snuggle, Dad. snuggle, Mom."

- how peanut butter crackers and vitamins are Lyla's most favorite things on the planet right now.

- how Lyla loves to cover Adaline with any material she can find, mostly fabric squares and bubble wrap

- how the world stops when I sit in bed and read with my girls, both of them warmly snuggled on both sides of me

- - - - 

These little moments are why I exist. And I'm going to document them, even if it means I lose more sleep than I already am.

c'est la vie.

Ramblings from my Mommy Brain

It feels like so much has happened in the past six weeks since Adaline's been born. Yet if you asked me what I do on a typical day, I'd probably laugh. Because I would have no idea what to say.

Believe it or not, we've managed to stay fairly busy during my "maternity leave". That's what I'm calling it. It's the time I allow myself to relax a little more than usual and am extra forgiving of myself on the days we stay in sweats until lunch time. "Because", I tell myself, "I have a baby. And a toddler. And it's winter. And it's my 'maternity leave'."

But we really have been pleasantly busy with lots of visitors, play dates, errands (so.many.errands.), and prepping for the holidays. And I've very quickly realized that tasks that used to take me 10 minutes suddenly take me 2 or 3 days. And that's no lie.

We also follow the household rule to make it out of the house at least once a day. Even if it means simply going through the Starbucks drive through. It may take about 2 hours from start to finish, but I do everything in my power to get us out. I surprisingly have yet to throw my hands in the air and say "forget it! not worth the 6 layers of winter clothing and a toddler who loves to dawdle." Which brings me to a question. Will I ever be on time again? Ever?  It frazzles me to the core.

And because it's my "maternity leave", I'm going to go ahead and not feel guilty about writing the rest of this post in bullet points. Because that's how my brain works lately - not complete thoughts, just bullet points.

So. Lately...

... It is no joke when they say to hang on tight and savor these years because you blink and your kids are all grown up.  I thought Lyla's babyhood went quickly. But this? Oh my word, time with two little ones is scarily passing by. These pictures, for example. They were taken two and a half weeks ago. And Adaline already looks completely different. And no longer fits into this nightgown. And has an extra chin. {sniffle. sniffle.}

... Speaking of Miss A, she has been nothing but smiles. And it feels just as exciting as it did the first time around with big sis. I love when babes start smiling...it marks the beginning of "This is my FAVORITE phase". I'm not sure how I'd forgotten the uncontainable joy one experiences when your baby smiles at you for the first time. I was just as much an emotional mess this time around. I mean, when she looks at me and smiles, time stops and I feel like my heart is going to burst right through my chest.

... Like many first-borns, Lyla has always been an observer. That girl walks into a room {with extreme caution, of course} and observes for quite awhile before she lets down her guard and participates in whatever is going on. My little observer, feverishly studying everything around her. I swear that's what she's been doing for the past two years with language. She's always had a large vocabulary, but really has only been speaking in short sentences since she turned two. But all of a sudden, she is having full-blown conversations with us. Conversations that make sense. She can remember and recall things from a month ago, she tells us what she did at school or church, and she reminds us when we forget things. It's mind-blowing.

... We're actually starting to get into a routine around here. Although it may be a loose one, it feels pretty amazing. I've learned, for example, that if I accidentally sleep past 6:45 a.m., the rest of the day is shot. Because then I don't have time to shower. And when I don't have time to shower, we seem to have more tantrums and a lot less productivity. I think it's a scientific correlation: showered mama = successful day.

... Lyla started nursing her babies. It's probably the cutest thing I've ever seen in my life. Ever.  Monkey see, monkey do.

... Lyla has really developed a love for helping in the kitchen. It started out as a tactic to teach her patience while waiting on meals, but now she loves it. She loves to measure and pour and stir and taste test.

... I still can't get over how easy of a baby Adaline is. I'm not kidding when I say I can count on both hands how many times we've heard her *really* cry. I would feel guilty about this fact. Except Lyla was INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT as a baby. Although I didn't think it was possible to ever love something more than my first born, Adaline is a breath of fresh air. :) And I know a large part of that is that we're so much more relaxed as parents. But I also think God knew that we just really needed an easy baby after little miss scream-for-days-colic-pants.

... My mother-in-law calls Lyla "Goodnight Moon". And it's so true. Because that really is how she talks. "Good night, heater."  "Good morning big girl underwear." And just today as we were leaving for school, "Goodbye Lyla's slippers." Hilarious observation and just so cute.

... If you still haven't started the podcast Serial, you do NOT know what you're missing. I mean, I do think my adrenaline has stepped down a notch after listening to 8 episodes straight in one weekend. But, I get SO excited for Thursdays. And it is the topic of conversation in our house for at least one hour a day. I'm not sure what I'll do exactly when it's over.

... I'm also not sure what I love more. The father-daughter relationship or the sister-sister. They both slay me.

... I don't think anything has me more confused than toddler moodswings. I kid you not. One minute I am texting Gabe telling him how incredibly sweet Lyla is and that I want this stage to last forever, and the next, she's throwing herself down in the middle of a parking lot taunting me with smirks, headshakes, and "NO!"s. Of course that is immediately followed by me thinking she snuck some sugar water somewhere because she's melting my mama heart into a puddle of sap with "I'm sorry" and "I love you Mama". Oh goodness, do toddlers sure know how to make a perfectly sane woman see red.

... We have our first date night planned this weekend. Getting all dressed up for Gabe's company Christmas party. It is time and it is necessary and I am pumped.

... This is the part of my maternity leave that I like to call "The Awakening". It's where you suddenly realize that it's time to start getting out more. It's time to start cooking again {THANK YOU to all my friends and family who have made us meals. Absolute Godsends, you are. Meals are the best gift you can ever ever ever give a new mom}. It's time to be a sociable human being who has conversations with other people besides a newborn and a toddler. And although hanging around the house in yoga pants with my girls has made me happier than I've ever been, it's time for my brain to get some exercise. And to get that exercise, I have quite the project I've finally pulled the trigger on. Very excited to share soon!!!

Although, hanging in our pjs for hours and reading books by the Christmas tree everyday has been a welcomed change of pace.