Permanent Maternity Leave

It's finally starting to sink in.
At least a little.

At this moment in time, I am on permanent maternity leave.
I'm *gasp* a stay-at-home-mom.

I can't say this was ever in our plan. It's never even been a dream really. That is until Lyla was born just over two years ago, and I went back to teaching for a year. Priorities started shifting away, and I got sadder and sadder deep within my gut. And that sadness never subsided for me like it does for many other moms. So, I made some life changes, got an ideal new job, found more balance, and was happier than I'd ever been.

But now that we're expecting our second, and after a lot Saturday morning coffee talks, one too many morning-rush-blurs, the inability to take care of my own kid when she's sick, a super-jazzed-up excel spreadsheet of our budget, and the realization that working for me simply meant paying for daycare for two kiddos, we came to the conclusion that it would be best for me to stay home.

And I couldn't be more excited...or thankful.

I have no idea what this new gig will look like. It's quite difficult to imagine, really. And I don't exactly know how long of a gig it may be. I tend to get antsy easily. I like being productive. I like being social. I like using my brain. And, if we're completely honest, I like not having to check our bank account every 15 minutes to make sure I haven't spent too much at Baby Gap. That being said, however, I love being a mom. Every ounce of my being wants to be there for my kids, put more than half of myself into their lives, and stop going through life at such a rapid speed that I blink and suddenly have two teenagers arguing over the car. And although I do have an idea or two up my sleeve to help me with my desires to stay with-it and be a productive member of society (and hopefully bring in some extra income too), I am reminding myself that this time goes by in a flash. And I want to soak up every moment with my babies. Just enjoy. Just be. 

However, things started off a bit rough my first week on the new job. My hope was to have a good, solid week with Lyla. A few days for just the two of us before baby arrives. To make up for lost time, busy schedules, and future time that will be spent with a newborn. But my first day into my new gig, I was just sure I was going into labor as I woke in the middle of the night with stomach-flu-like symptoms. Same exact thing happened the day I went into labor with Lyla. All I could think was "I'M NOT READY. THE NURSERY ISN'T READY. MY HOSPITAL BAG ISN'T READY."

Well. Instead of me going into labor, my "stomach-flu-like symptoms" turned out to be the actual stomach bug. I was pretty miserable (and pretty 9 months pregnant) with a toddler at home who needed me. Because she, of course, came down with the bug too. Luckily, hers only lasted 24 hours. But in those 24 hours, I washed sheets a total of 6 times. And I lost a total of 4 pounds between last week's OB appointment and yesterday's. Where I found out I am indeed progressing, and it really could be anytime that baby makes his or her debut.

Could be in 2 weeks. Could be tonight. {And because I'm admittedly neurotic, I went back to look at my blogpost from a few days before Ly was born. Turns out, I am exactly at the same spot I was four days before I went into labor with her.}

Ugh. The anticipation. And I still don't think I'm quite ready. {insert nervous emoticon face}

And just as we're finally getting into the swing of things as we wait for "baby sister" (according to Lyla) to arrive. We've gone to story time at the library, she started "school" one day a week, and this mama has been hyper-productive. I've crossed things off my list that have been sitting there collecting dust for a good 6 months. And Gabe and I even went on our first date in, oh, probably 6 or 7 months, to celebrate my birthday. I had the best shrimp and scallop fettuccine alfredo and banana caramel bread pudding. And it was worth every minute spent in misery with a horrible tummy ache.

And oh my goodness the mood shift in this house. Everyone is more relaxed. And all around happier. Especially Lyla. It's amazing at how much of a buzzkill I was at the end of each day after work. Now, I have more energy and time for Ly, and she is just happier. Of course our blissful, dream-like state is about to come to a crashing halt any day once we bring home a crying newborn and jump back into a life of lack-of-sleep-induced comas. Believe me, I'm aware.

And in fact, because this baby loves squeezing the heck out of my bladder, I'm up all hours of the night. And every time I wake, I'm thankful I haven't yet gone into labor because I get one more day with Miss Beans. As excited as I am to meet our new babe, I do get a little misty thinking about how the dynamics of our family are going to change. I remember feeling the same way when it was just Gabe and I anxiously waiting for Lyla to be born.  Of course that sadness went away and was immediately replaced by the most incomprehensible joy we'd ever felt the moment Ly entered the world. And I'm sure that will happen again with new baby's arrival. But it's still bittersweet.

But while we wait, we will continue to utilize every moment of our weekends together as a family of three. And during the week, I am soaking up this girl time - just the two of us. Ly is at the cutest age, and I truly wish I could bottle up her two-year-oldness forever.

I melt over so many things... // When she pulls up my shirt and gives "kisses to baby sister" at random. // Or when she's playing for hours at a time sporadically stops what she's doing to look up and say "hi mom" as a little reminder she's still in the room and needs a moment of attention. // Talking on the phone to her and hearing her say "hi mama. I love you." or "happy birthday mama" in the sweetest little voice I've ever heard in my life. // Her warnings to "be careful" when I'm cooking over a hot stove or if I trip over something. // Her wanting to be a little adult by carrying around her purse and phone everywhere she goes or "putting on makeup" while I get ready. (No. I do not let her put on makeup. I give her my makeup brush and she goes to town). // How she tells any guest who leaves "see ya alligator". // Or when I had her test out the pouf in the corner of the baby room. She sadly walked over and said "Lyla in timeout." Bless her sweet little heart - I nearly cried. //

I would love to have a two year old for the rest of my life. It's just the best. And I'm so grateful I get this one on one time with her before babe.

So far, I sure am loving this new life. And I am unguilt-ily going to go enjoy every last sip of my homemade pumpkin spice coffee, finish up some projects in the baby room, and savor these quiet moments during nap time. Because these days are fleeting and going to abruptly come to an end very soon.

And call me crazy, but I couldn't be more excited for the chaos that is to ensue.

Bring on our family of four.

Lyla's 2nd Birthday Picnic Party

It's 9:14 on Thursday night.

And I'm pretty sure it's the first time I've actually sat down to relax since exactly one week ago. Because one week ago, I was ignoring my very pregnant body {and every family member begging me to take it easy} as I planned, crafted, cleaned, grocery shopped, and prepared after work each night for a very special two year old's big day.

And a big day it was. We partied like it was our job.

The thing is, I vividly remember going into all of this swearing up and down that I was going to keep things very small and very casual this year. It really did start out that way: our parents, a few of Lyla's toddler friends and their families, and the idea to have a casual picnic. And although I may not have gone completely all-out like I did last year, I still overdid it. By a lot. And I've got the ankles to prove it. Exactly one week later.

I don't know why I don't just cater in, or at least for Pete's sake leave the baked goods to the professionals. I guess for the same reason I refuse to buy Halloween costumes - I like to put my special touch on things and somehow create a labor of love {even though my strengths by no means lie in craftiness nor the kitchen}.

This year's labor of love was the strawberry vanilla cupcakes. Why? Why do I feel the need to try a new recipe from scratch when I have several friends who run very successful bakeries? Especially when I have officially, for two years in a row now, managed to concoct a baking disaster. This year, instead of accidentally doubling the butter, I added too much strawberry puree into the buttercream frosting which made it runny. And let me tell you. Runny frosting, now matter how delicious, looks absolutely horrifying. So, my mother-in-law, for the second year in a row came to the rescue with extra confectioners sugar just in the nick of time -  40 minutes before the party began. I seriously had to talk myself out of throwing a full-on adult tantrum because we didn't have time {or enough frosting} to do fancy swirly-doo's with the buttercream.

You win some. You lose some.

But swollen ankles, lack of sleep, and runny frosting aside, it was all so very worth it. To see Lyla's face as she woke up and walked around the house saying "Lyla boothday pawty"and recognized that all the fun decor was for her!!! And when all said and done, I just can't ignore how much fun it is for me to plan and incorporate all the little details. I love myself a theme and creating a corresponding menu and signature drink. And since I couldn't partake in any adult fun, I stuck to the most delicious infused water I've ever had: Strawberry lime cucumber mint - obnoxious name, but seriously tasty.

My favorite detail was the party favors - everyone got to take home a honey bear from Grandpa Green's farm!

And of course we couldn't have pulled it off without the fam - surely they are used to me by now. Always running out of time at the last minute and pleading with them the night before an event to get their party pants on and "bring in the reinforcements". They're true saints, I tell you.

This year was no exception as I put everyone to work. If I saw anyone standing, I handed them something and gave them a job. Yes, even the birthday girl herself. She helped Dad chill the beer. And Bots was on babysitting/storytime duty.

But I have to say. My favorite part of the entire day was right before any of our guests arrived. It was just us and the grandparents. We took Ly outside for her big "present reveal". And I have never, ever seen such joy, and I will never forget her face.

Let's stop for a moment and talk about this wagon. I have to brag on Gabe. After several weeks of laboring in sweltering 100 degree weather, over a dozen trips to Home Depot, and more than $150 spent, he finished refurbishing his brother and sister's old childhood wagon.

So scratch the runny cupcakes, I guess my sweet husband wins in the labor of love department.

Oh. And we can't forget the part where Lyla was hysterical because everyone sang happy birthday to her. Poor thing really just can't stand all attention on her.

Other than the "Happy Birthday meltdown", our sweet bean had a fabulous time and loved playing with her toddler pals. I only wish I would have gotten more pictures of them all together. {Darn you August heat!} And she really loved playing with all her new treasures.

Well, another successful party in the books. 

But I really am sticking to my word as next year's theme is going to be "Pizza and Party Hats". And it may just be our family of four celebrating together. Because I'm sure I'll still be recovering come August next year. 

And I know this little party animal would likely agree. 

23 Months: Pure Delight

These are your last few weeks as a one year old. 

On a normal occasion, I’d be looking back at old pictures, reading the past year’s blog posts, and sitting in a puddle of sentiment and happy tears. I’m a sap. And I love memories. And although I’ve done some looking back, I’ve been so over-scheduled and pregnant that I barely remember things like switching over the laundry after it’s been sitting for 3 days. Plus, we’ve been doing plenty of living-in-the-moment, saying yes to every summer-fun proposition that’s come our way, and making plenty of new memories. Just the three of us. Which leaves zero time to get misty-eyed over my growing toddler, let alone work on a big girl room, a birthday party or a nursery. 

Yes. I am aware we have got to get our acts together and start saying NO. To pretty much everything from here on out. But fun is so hard to say no to!!!

However, this past month is absolutely worth gushing over. It was probably the best month we’ve had to date with you. Ever. And I really mean that. 

You have been an absolute joy. Just consistently delightful all the time. We first noticed it on vacation, when admittedly, I was prepared for daily fussiness and tantrums. But you were an angel, with not even one meltdown all week long. And if I’m honest, you’ve always been a bit of a fusser - anytime you feel discomfort of any kind. We’ve dealt with our fair share of intolerance and cry fits. But for the past month, we’ve experienced nothing but giggles, lots of love-giving, and lots of happy. No fussing. No meltdowns. You've become such a little buddy. 

I’m not exactly sure what changed. It could be the fact that *fingers crossed* you’re past your every-three-weeks of sickness since January. Or that you finally cut 6 of your hardest teeth at once. Or simply that you’re almost two, you’re more confident in your abilities, and your tolerance level is improving. 

Regardless of the reason, we have had lots of sweet and memorable moments.

- We've concluded long ago that you're not a morning person. So it always takes awhile for us to wake you. But every morning, before your eyes are open or before you are even fully awake, you start naming every one of your stuffed animals, "Ellie, Zebra, Britt, Giraffe, Val, Elliot, Baby Emma..." Either that, or you start naming every object you can think of. You and I recently went to the lake and slept in a room with others. I warned everyone to be prepared for an early wake up call to you naming things in the room. Sure enough, at 6 am, "blue light, fan, baby's bed, Lyla's bed, blanket, Mama's hair, Lyla's knees..." 

- You have really turned into such a little mama. You are loving baby dolls and stuffed animals more than ever, and I'm really hoping this nurturing instinct sticks around when your little bro/sis arrives. You were head over heels in love with Baby Emma on our trip to Rhode Island, and you've started calling your baby at home Baby Emma. And you love to set up all your babies, make sure each of them are fed, and then you kiss them and rock them at random. Talk about heart bursts. 

-  No has been the most popular word in our household as of late. "Lyla, can Mama have a kiss?" No. "Lyla, eat your green beans." No. "Lyla, it's time for a bath?" No. But then, you'll shock our socks off and surprise us with an unsolicited hug and kiss...or better yet, a "Yuuuv YOU!"

 I'll take 200 no's for 1 love you any day, my dear. 

- If "no" is the most popular word lately, "boobies" is a close second. You are absolutely obsessed. It all started when you saw me get out of the shower a few months ago and asked what "those" were. So, I told you "Mama's boobies". You decided to repeat it out of nowhere on the plane a few weeks ago. And by repeat, I mean you pointed and shouted as loudly as you could MAMA'S BOOBIES. And Gabe and I made the mistake of laughing. Now, you are completely intrigued and point out that everyone has them: "Dad's boobies. GiGi's boobies. Pops' boobies." But you find it most important to matter-of-factly tell everyone about it in public places, especially Target. I simply nod my head and say, "that's right" and duck into a corner. 



- You will not go to bed without saying your ABC's. In fact, one night, Dad and I read you story after story and finally told you it was time for bed. Tears began to well up in your eyes, and then you began to cry pretty hard. We asked what was wrong and you couldn't get out an answer. Finally, I realized you were looking up at a favorite book of yours, and I asked, "Oh, did you want to say your ABC's?" You immediately stopped crying and in the sweetest, softest little voice said, "Yeah. AB's." Dad and I obviously caved. 

- Speaking of ABC's, I'm not sure how or when you learned actually them, but you know every single letter of the alphabet. For the longest time you would say "M" for  "N" and "W" and would have a hard time with "Q, X, and Y". But out of nowhere, you suddenly knew them all. And most of the time, instead of saying "L", you yell "LYLA", or after seeing an "S" you yell "NAKE" {for snake. because you can't pronounce "s" when it's at the beginning of a word}. So cute. You also know your colors, shapes, and a few numbers. You're at such a fun, spongey age. I love it!

- You have started to notice boys. I kid you not. Anytime you see boys, no matter the age, you say "Hiiii boys" in a thick southern accent. We were at the grocery store the other day when a few teenage boys were walking down the aisle. You looked at them, smiled, and said "Hiiiya boys". They laughed, and so when we kept going you said, "Byyye boys." Lord help us now. 

"Cheers" is also one of your favorite things. One guess as to who taught you that. 

- You did something recently that made me tear up instantly. You had been pointing to my belly and saying "baby belly" off and on all day, then you'd lift up your shirt, poke out your stomach and say "baby belly". But out of nowhere, you walked over to my belly, patted it, and made your zebra lovie kiss the "baby belly". 

I can't. 

New England Vacay

No matter how wonderful the vacation, it is always such a relief to come home. To get back to your own bed and to step back into a routine. 

Especially when you've been gone all but two weekends all summer.

But regardless of the gradual intensity of my need and appreciation for home while I'm away, I still crave the exploration and adventure of a getaway. Even if it's just a quick jaunt to a neighboring town or a day trip to see friends.

A couple weeks ago, we finally ended our summer travel ventures with a bang, {with the exception of recently committing to going on two more quick weekend trips} as we took Lyla on her second visit to our home away from home - Rhode Island.

Oh my, how traveling with a toddler looks so different from traveling with an infant. Both stages bring their own set of challenges, but traveling with a toddler is like anticipating the potential for the catastrophe that may or may not occur after a bomb threat. There's lots of breath holding and ridiculous entertainment antics.

But quite honestly, we were pleasantly surprised. Especially under the circumstances: 8 hours of travel; including two flights, a two hour layover and a one hour drive; all in the middle of the night; with a child who doesn't sleep while traveling. We only had one meltdown. Though completely warranted, the melt-down had me sweating bullets and on my knees praying that the plane would just open up and spit me out into the dark, night sky. Where it was safe. Without a screaming toddler and death glares from those who were trying to sleep as it was 1:30 in the morning.

But you know something? My poor *almost* two year old wanted to sleep too. She just couldn't. And after 20 minutes of body contortions, kicking, screaming, and crying, she finally looked at Gabe and I with tears in her eyes and begged "HELP PLEASE". And then she passed out. Right on my pregnant belly. For the last 15 minutes of the flight.

And then we did not have one more outburst or toddler tantrum the rest of the entire trip or flight home. She was a perfect angel. I guess she got it completely out of her system.

Which made this just the kind of trip we needed. We got to see old friends, meet new babies, spend time at the beach and the lake, ate a sinful amount of New England fare, and visited every one of our favorite local places (including the best coffee shops in the country).

It was the perfect "last getaway" for our family of three.

We got to soak up lots of quality family time. The kind of time that you just don't get at home during the hubbub of everyday.

 Our most favorite coffee shop of all time. 

And a whole lot of friend time...{This is what we would call a baby boom}.

 So weird she's the awkward big kid photo bomb. :(

I've never seen Ly so obsessed with a little. She still wakes up asking for "Baaaby Emma"

Jamestown, Rhode Island

Despite a day where the wind resembled that of Kansas and the ocean water dropped to subarctic temperatures, we still managed to have a delightful day at the beach. I was also reminded how I much prefer Pacific beaches...however a beach is still a beach. And no beach day would be complete without lobster rolls and clam cakes.

We hit up some of our favorite local spots and restaurants. And can I just say? I'm not sure I've ever, ever been to a place with cuisine as fabulous as that in RI. Who knew, right? 

I'd say it was love at first sip for Lyla and Del's Lemonade.

And just so Ly could have more water time, we got to spend the day at our friends' who live right on a private lake.

Hard to believe we will add family member #4 to the annual New England vacay next year.

And we can only hope the next one is a fantastic car/plane sleeper. {Please babe #2, I beg of you.}